better than normal

it has been so lovely to be off of the hormone injections. i didn't even anticipate how great it would be. i mean, of course i knew i'd appreciate not having to give myself the shots or go to the doctor all the time, but i had forgotten (or hadn't realized) what it was like to feel normally hormonal rather than super-stimulated hormonal. i am so much happier, calmer, and balanced than i have been in months. in fact, i've been feeling even more "normal" than what i was calling normal before. i give props to acupuncture and therapy for this. and whatever else has helped me to get to this newly positive and relaxed mindset.

i've been reading a couple of books that take a more holistic approach to fertility treatments, addressing a lot of the same things that my acupuncturist discusses with me. i like them because they value both western techniques and traditional chinese medicine and speak to the strengths of both rather than proposing one in exclusion of the other. i see a lot of sense in that. the western stuff is obviously tried and true and proven in many ways, but it is not individualized in any major way. traditional chinese medicine practitioners treat individuals based on a host of factors, including both physical and emotional/spiritual, and focus on the whole body rather than on one particular problem. not surprisingly, fertility issues (like many other physical ailments) are tied to lots of things aside from one's uterus or ovaries.

for example, my acupuncturist knew from the beginning of my treatment that i am -- in his words -- yin-deficient, which means in a physiological sense that the moisture and fluids in my body aren't flowing properly. for years i have been constantly dehydrated and hot when most people are comfortable or even chilly. i thought this was just how my body worked. but in the couple of months i've been going to acupuncture, that is starting to change. and this doesn't just make me feel a million times better on a day-to-day basis (though it really does!), it also speaks to some possible reasons why the fertility treatments i've received so far haven't been successful. obviously fluids and moisture need to be flowing properly for reproductive organs to work and for menstruation to happen as it's supposed to.

in tandem with this, i have learned from one of the books (Making Babies) that my fertility type -- based on their in-depth quiz -- is "Dry." aside from the obvious symptoms in my regular life (the thirst, dry skin, etc.), women of this fertility type often lack the cervical mucus necessary for adequate sperm travel and also don't have success with the ovarian stimulation drugs. clearly we've seen evidence that my body doesn't like the drugs. and -- believe it or not... and TMI or not -- my mucus situation has changed dramatically the past couple of cycles. i really, truly thought i was drying up like an old lady, but suddenly things are, well, flowing again. (i'm sure that my acupuncturist also knows about the mucus issue but THANK THE STARS he hasn't brought that up.) so in addition to acupuncture, which is already treating this issue for me, the book also gives a lot of advice about nutrition and exercise and other general practices that are best-suited to my particular type. since i know that mucus may be a problem for me, i've thought a lot about staying away from foods and drinks that tend to make one acidic, because that can also kill sperm. i am learning so much! and, of course, knowledge makes one feel more powerful, which is a good way to feel in this situation.

i am on a new regimen of herbs specifically to target fertility issues. my acupuncturist is trying to make my cycle longer, since he thinks my very short follicular phase (the time before i ovulate) could be an issue. so i take one formula of herbs from day 5-11 of my cycle (follicular), another from day 12-20 (ovulation and possible fertilization), and the last from day 21 until the end (possible implantation). the hubby and i are trying au naturel this cycle, which has been a LOT of fun for me. remember i haven't been able to have sex around when i ovulate for the past five cycles because we were doing IUI, plus my hormones have been all out of whack so i wasn't really in the mood much anyway. now it feels fun again, and i really do feel that my body is in a very different state and more ready for pregnancy than it was before, so it could happen. i'm not counting any chickens, of course. but i still feel positive.

we've pretty much decided that we won't do any fertility treatments until after the new year. we're even going to go on a little getaway for a few days after christmas. the hubby had a pretty dark and depressed few days last week but i think he's feeling better now. he is an eternal optimist and the reality of our struggles (that i've been feeling for months) just hit him, it seems. but he's on board with acupuncture and the herbs and has even been reading some of the fertility books with me. he's watching his diet, too, and still taking his sperm vitamins. we're doing all we can, and the next few weeks are filled with fun and excitement with family and friends... can't help but smile about that. and i'm sure smiling helps fertility, too, right?