The Birth Story!

just hours after i wrote that last post my waiting came to an end! i was in labor by 9pm that night and my baby boy arrived the following afternoon. but much like everything else about this pregnancy, it didn't happen the way i imagined. here's the story...

there i was, at my weekly appointment at the high risk doctor. in retrospect, i should have suspected something because the ultrasound tech was acting really strange during the scan. she hardly spoke except to ask me some weird questions about my medication. when the doctor came in she immediately told him to look at the images she'd taken. he took a quick look and then turned to me and said, "how do i tell you this? we have to get this baby out." i probably looked like a deer in headlights. i think i said, "why?" he then proceeded to scare me half to death by telling me that my uterus was becoming a "toxic environment" because the placenta was showing signs of shutting down. they could tell this because the scan showed that the blood flow from the placenta to the baby was decreasing. he said in a matter of days it could lead to brain damage to the baby, so he wanted to induce me asap. i was reeling at this point. i was terrified to be induced, because i know it often takes much longer than a natural labor and women end up needing an epidural, which i really, really didn't want. to make matters worse, the hubby was working about 45 minutes away and i was freaking out about all of this by myself.

i called the hubby and told him he needed to leave his client and go home and get the hospital bags and meet me. i called my doula and told her we might be on for that night. meanwhile, the doctor called my regular OB to discuss (and i found out later from the OB that he was really pressuring her to give me an emergency c-section) and she decided that even though the high risk docs are really alarmist and over the top that it wasn't worth the risk if the placenta really was deteriorating as he said. so i went straight from my doctor appt. to Labor & Delivery on the other side of the hospital. i was a wreck at this point since i didn't really know what was going to happen and of course because i thought my baby was in danger.

i was admitted to triage at 5pm, examined and told that my cervix was already 80% thinned and i was about 3cm dilated. since i had that progress going in they decided to just give me pitocin to start labor and hope for the best. the resident doctor who examined me told me i couldn't eat or drink anything from that point on just in case i needed to have a c-section, which made me super unhappy since i hadn't eaten since my school-time lunch at 11:30. finally my OB showed up. she was confident that i had a good chance to have a successful, unmedicated vaginal birth like i wanted (other than the pitocin, obviously). the hubby showed up with the hospital bags and immediately i felt a million times better. we waited awhile in triage because Labor & Delivery was full, but my OB told him to go out and get us dinner and we should just relax while we could. so we did. we got a room in L&D about 9pm and they started the pitocin at 9:20 or so. my doula arrived at 10:15.

the first part of labor wasn't that bad at all. i was actually thinking if this was it it was going to be a breeze. my doula had me moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions. i was hooked up to the pitocin IV but i could wheel the thingy around with me, and the fetal heart monitoring (required when you're on pitocin) was wireless so that was super nice in terms of my mobility. the contractions got steadily worse as they upped the pitocin dose in my IV, but i could handle it. i should have known. unfortunately, i wasn't dilating any further. that was super disappointing to hear. so at 4am my OB broke my water (which was disgusting! and so weird!) and then things really picked up. i lose track of time after that, but i know the thoughts of labor being a breeze were gone from my mind. it got really painful, and the strategies i'd been using so far to cope with the contractions (listening to music, telling the hubby and my doula to have random conversations to distract me) stopped working. during those couple of hours, i had decided (though i didn't tell anyone) that when the doctor examined me next if i hadn't made a lot of progress i was going to have to ask for an epidural. i really didn't want one, but i knew i couldn't deal with many more hours feeling the way i was. but, thankfully, when she came back to check on me she found that i was at 7cm! practically there! that was enough of a motivation to keep me going. the next hour or two were pretty brutal in terms of pain. i knew there was an end in sight, but it was really, really hard. my doula, my nurse, and the hubby were absolute superstars. i never could have done it without any of the three of them. the weirdest part for me was how much pressure i felt in my bottom. i didn't feel it at all in my crotch, which is i assumed the sensations would emanate from. instead, as i said to the hubby, i just "couldn't believe how much it feels like this baby is going to come out of my butt." i was still moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions, thanks to my doula forcing me, but it was getting harder and harder. at one point i asked her if we could turn off the pitocin for a little while so i could take a break. she handled that well and reminded me that, actually, the contractions were helping the baby to come so no... we shouldn't turn off the pitocin. i was getting a bit loopy. but by the end of that couple of hours, it was daylight and i was fully dilated and ready to push!

so then i'm thinking: it's the home stretch! an hour or so, maybe, and the baby would be here! i could do it! but once again... my story wasn't what i imagined. pushing took about three and a half hours. which sucked. well, the first hour and a half was actually ok. i kept thinking, "this is so much better than when i was just having contractions and not doing anything about them!" i had a little trouble figuring out how to push at first. i definitely had the urge, but the know-how isn't exactly automatic. they kept telling me to push like i was constipated and trying to have a bowel movement, but as a pregnant person with hemorrhoids this has been a behavior that i have fought against for nine months! my OB coached me through the first few rounds, but then she had to leave for another engagement (she had warned us about this the day before, so i was prepared). the doctor on call was, luckily, amazing and i think did an even better job helping me figure out what the hell i was supposed to be doing. his instructions were very procedural and specific, which is how my brain works. it felt like i was doing something productive, which i liked, and again i just kept thinking it's almost over! right? sigh...

as time went on it got way more intense. the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and as the baby moved down the birth canal the pressure kept increasing. then they realized that i hadn't peed in hours, which might be impeding the baby's path. i told them i didn't feel like i had to go, but they used a catheter to empty my bladder and sure enough it was full! so i kept pushing. and pushing. and then came the part where his head was crowning for, oh, over and hour. they kept saying i was so close, but his head would get sucked back inside at the end of every contraction. that was so frustrating, and i was getting SO tired of pushing (and just tired in general, since i'd been awake for 28 hours at that point and in labor for 14 of them). the last few pushes were really painful because the baby had his hand in his mouth and would not move it, which was apparently why his head wouldn't come out! so the doc had to stick his hands inside and get the silly baby's hand out of the way. that was the part where i yelled "OW!" really loudly twice. it felt like my pelvic bones were cracking. other than that and a few times during the worst of the pre-pushing contractions i was a pretty quiet laborer, surprisingly. everyone kept saying what a great job i was doing and how impressed they were that i hadn't had any pain medication. i was just totally internalized. i knew the other people were in the room but they felt almost like shadows. i knew i had to stay completely focused on pushing to get through it. it was really, really hard. but the baby's heart rate stayed completely steady for my entire labor, which was remarkable, so there was no reason to rush anything or for them to move to any other means of getting the baby out. i was ok, he was ok... so we just kept pushing. and then, eventually, he was there: 12:53pm, Saturday, October 13. he weighed 8lbs. and 9oz. and was 20 inches long. and he had a full head of hair just like the ultrasound techs were always telling me they saw in the scans.

i almost couldn't believe it when they showed him to me and put him on my chest. it was so bizarre to see the little creature that had been inside me for months out in the world. i thought beforehand that i would surely cry when i saw him, but i didn't. i was so happy and just kept staring at him. the hubby cut the umbilical cord (which originally he thought he wouldn't do... he also thought he wouldn't look at anything below my waist during delivery, but that didn't happen either!) and the doctor showed us the placenta and amniotic sac when they came out, which were really freakin' cool to see. as we stared at the baby and my doula helped us get started with breastfeeding, the doctor was rinsing and washing me up and stitching closed the two tiny tears that i sustained during all that pushing. he seemed surprised i didn't tear worse than that, considering how long i pushed and how incredibly swollen i was. i say it was all of that perineal massage! after i'd held him for awhile the doctors checked out the baby, a bit closely because he seemed to be having some respiratory issues. a visit from a pediatrics resident and a nicu resident resolved those worries, and eventually we were allowed to have our families (who'd been in the waiting room for hours) come in to visit, and then they packed us up and moved us upstairs to the Mother & Baby unit.

the hubby and our family stayed in my room for a few hours. they brought me some food and waited on me hand and foot. the hubby was so exhausted he could barely see straight, but i was running on so much adrenaline i didn't even feel tired. i definitely didn't feel like i'd been awake for 36 hours and had just done the most difficult physical task of my life. the nurses came and explained a bunch of stuff to me about my medication and my hospital stay and newborn care. around 7pm everyone went home. my first night was a little harrowing. not only did i have this tiny baby to take care of (though he really did sleep most of the time), but i was still hooked up to the pitocin IV (they were afraid since my labor wasn't natural that my body wouldn't continue to have the necessary contractions to take care of all the afterbirth stuff) and i was gushing blood from my vagina and could barely sit down due to the horrific state of my hemorrhoids from all that damn pushing. seriously, my hemorrhoid experience prior to this was nothing. laughable. they gave me 800mg ibuprofen, which was a lifesaver (i'm still taking it, ten days later, and have no plans to stop anytime soon). every trip to the bathroom was a half hour endeavor between wheeling the IV with me and trying to keep from bleeding all over everything. i had my parents bring me Depends on the second day because i couldn't think of anything other than diapers that would contain the mess. (i'm still using those, too, ten days later). my body definitely felt like it had been through something huge and unparalleled. but every time i looked at the baby i knew it was worth it.

i stayed in the hospital for two days. the nurses were so helpful and kind, and i took a breastfeeding class with a lactation nurse that was really useful. the hubby and our family came to visit and brought me food and coffee, but i also had some alone time with the baby that i cherished. they discharged me and the baby on monday morning, when both of us were declared healthy and ready for the world (other than some iron issues with me, so i'm on a supplement). my physical ailments are getting better by the day. still bleeding and still sore, but much less so. even the hemorrhoids are getting better already. i plan to write weekly updates, so i'll condense the first week and a half into my first Parenthood post soon. as a sneak preview, though, things are going pretty well. it's a whole new world, but i was ready for it, and i'm loving it so far. :)

39 weeks, 5 days & still pregnant

still here! i've basically led a completely normal life during the latter part of this week. after staying home on tuesday and making myself INSANE, i decided to work the rest of the week and i'm glad i did. i'm a little tired but otherwise i actually feel a lot better than i did last week and the week before. i still have a lot of pelvic and groin pressure and i am slow-moving and a little achy and sore, but really i've been mostly able to do about my business. i was totally useless at home... couldn't motivate to do anything other than obsess over minuscule, unimportant details and got so cranky that the hubby came home from work and said he wasn't going to talk to me for a few minutes until i got myself under control. it has been much better to be back at work. i'm definitely tired from only getting about 7 hours of sleep a night, but i can handle it and i know i will catch up this weekend (unless there is some other action going on in my life!!!).

i go to the high risk doc this afternoon for a growth assessment so we'll see what kind of a giant baby he's going to be whenever he gets here. i wonder if that will affect any induction plans? if i'm still pregnant on monday, that's when i go back to the OB and she'll strip my membranes. a colleague told me yesterday that she would never, ever do that again because it was so painful and awful, but i'm trying to put that out of my mind. i know i'd rather try something like that than medical induction, so if that's what it comes to i will try to welcome it openly. but i am really hoping the baby will come on his own this weekend.

i've been scouring the internet and soliciting stories from others about how they felt right before they went into labor -- looking for any possible clues or signs that i can apply to myself -- but the only conclusion i can come to is that it's completely different for everyone and often for every pregnancy. so i guess even though last week i thought i "felt" like it was going to happen any time, i don't really know what that "feeling" is, and i have to be aware that it could still happen any time even though i now feel mostly normal. so that's that! i'm distracting myself as much as possible and just waiting... waiting...

countdown to due date: four days

i should probably be surprised that i'm still pregnant, given all the worries about premature labor and whatnot... but i'm not. somehow i had a feeling that was exactly how it would pan out.

i did really think that he might arrive this past weekend, though, i'll admit. yesterday i went to the OB for my 39 week appointment and she, too, was a little surprised that we're still hanging around waiting. but she said again that first babies are often stubborn like that. i'm still just about 2cm dilated. ho hum. funniest part was that i seem to have lost six pounds since last week! the temperature dropped significantly a couple days ago and the fluid overload in my legs and feet seems to have mostly disappeared, so i'm assuming it has to do with that. i actually keep staring at my feet because i don't recognize them... they look so bony and skinny to me!

i had a bit of a freakout about an hour after my appointment when i started bleeding. not brown spotting like i've had after some of my appointments (when she's used the speculum and whatnot), but serious bleeding like i got my period. my first thought was, the elusive "bloody show" that people talk about! but quite quickly i remembered that the bloody show is supposed to be mostly mucus tinged with blood and not very heavy. this was pretty heavy. so i tried to remain calm but couldn't help worrying that something was wrong. i called the OB and she said it could just be from the cervical exam she did and that if it stopped she wasn't worried. i called the high risk doctor to get his input and he said the same thing. he said especially since i'm a bit dilated and closer to labor that i'm more likely to bleed from an exam. since neither of them were concerned i calmed down once the bleeding slowed. it was mostly brown spotting by last night, and a little more this morning, but that seems to be it.

so here we are... 39 weeks and a day, and i actually feel better than i did last week. maybe i'm just adjusting to the constant bodily changes i'm experiencing. i don't know what to make of it. i started taking evening primrose oil, which a lot of people believe helps induce labor, and have also been doing some "perineal massage" with it: basically massaging and stretching the skin in between the vagina and anus. i know is weird but some people (including my OB) really think it helps prepare the body for delivery and avoid the need for an episiotomy. the hubby and i are both really, really ready for this baby to get here and i don't think there's much more we can do to prepare. i wish there were more clues about when it will actually happen, but i know this is just how it goes.

i didn't go to work today mostly because i didn't feel like it, not because i wasn't feeling well enough. i will probably go tomorrow if i feel the same as i do today. other than some occasional contractions and pressure/pain i really feel fine. maybe it's the extra sleep i can accumulate over a long weekend, but my body is just not giving me any flashing warning lights that something significant is about to happen. sigh.

the plan going forward: my OB still thinks he could arrive at any time, but is aware that there's no guarantee about that. she said if i'm still pregnant next week, she'll do something at my 40 week appointment called "stripping the cervical membranes." it's basically separating the amniotic fluid bag from the side of the uterus, which releases hormones that can bring on labor. she said it only works if you're right on the cusp of labor. seems to be a crapshoot from what i've read online. so that would be the 40 week plan. if i end up going another week, she'll induce me for real. she asked if the high risk doc had talked about induction, because apparently they often bring it up and even think about inducing early. they haven't said anything to me, i think because they're also expecting the baby to make an appearance soon. as much as i'm anxious for him to arrive, i do want to avoid medical induction as long as possible. so i suppose there's nothing to do except... wait.

i know the end is in sight... even if we end up having to get to stage two of the doc's plan and i do have to be medically induced, that will be two weeks from now, at most. two weeks, in the long run, is not a long time... especially when i've already been pregnant for nine months AND it took us almost two years to get pregnant in the first place. but still every day is starting to feel like an eternity. i am trying to stay positive, though, and to take advantage of these last few days (?) before life completely changes. sleeping in is really, really nice...

38 week OB visit

still not in labor. :)

i went to the OB yesterday and things are still looking good! she said i'm a bit more dilated than last week (probably about 2cm now) and my cervix has thinned out a bit more, too. she told me she doubts he'll hold out until my due date. she said since it's my first baby, and first babies are sometimes surprising in that way, that she can't say for sure that he'll come early... but she's pretty sure he will. she said if we make it to the due date that he certainly won't come much past that. so the countdown has really begun! of course i didn't have a single contraction all day or night yesterday and i feel totally normal this morning. sigh.

38 weeks

i really thought last night was IT! i've had several nights lately when i had contractions all night long, but last night's were different: lower, stronger, and more consistent. but alas, by 6:30 this morning they had subsided. now i just have a lot of pressure "down there" but not much else going on. i do feel like the baby has somehow gotten even lower, so hopefully he's on his way out. but i don't think today's the day.

but it's october! so i know he'll be here soon... there's no way around it now! they estimated his weight at 7lbs, 9oz at the high risk doctor on friday. they weren't any more helpful than the regular OB in giving me an estimated timeframe, though. i guess there's just no real way to do that. i go back to the OB this afternoon, but i don't expect any great insight from her. sigh.

i do hope it's sooner rather than later. the hubby is hoping for wednesday, since he has a lot of work the next couple days and we have an appointment to meet the pediatrician tomorrow evening. but i've told the baby i'm fine with him showing up any time now. we had a wonderful weekend: a little getaway that allowed me to swim in a hotel pool, which is all i've been dreaming about for weeks. it was so nice to have some relaxing time away from home, just the two of us, before this next big stage in our lives. and i think we feel ready now. or as ready as we'll ever be. so bring it on, baby!!!