just hours after i wrote that last post my waiting came to an end! i was in labor by 9pm that night and my baby boy arrived the following afternoon. but much like everything else about this pregnancy, it didn't happen the way i imagined. here's the story...
there i was, at my weekly appointment at the high risk doctor. in retrospect, i should have suspected something because the ultrasound tech was acting really strange during the scan. she hardly spoke except to ask me some weird questions about my medication. when the doctor came in she immediately told him to look at the images she'd taken. he took a quick look and then turned to me and said, "how do i tell you this? we have to get this baby out." i probably looked like a deer in headlights. i think i said, "why?" he then proceeded to scare me half to death by telling me that my uterus was becoming a "toxic environment" because the placenta was showing signs of shutting down. they could tell this because the scan showed that the blood flow from the placenta to the baby was decreasing. he said in a matter of days it could lead to brain damage to the baby, so he wanted to induce me asap. i was reeling at this point. i was terrified to be induced, because i know it often takes much longer than a natural labor and women end up needing an epidural, which i really, really didn't want. to make matters worse, the hubby was working about 45 minutes away and i was freaking out about all of this by myself.
i called the hubby and told him he needed to leave his client and go home and get the hospital bags and meet me. i called my doula and told her we might be on for that night. meanwhile, the doctor called my regular OB to discuss (and i found out later from the OB that he was really pressuring her to give me an emergency c-section) and she decided that even though the high risk docs are really alarmist and over the top that it wasn't worth the risk if the placenta really was deteriorating as he said. so i went straight from my doctor appt. to Labor & Delivery on the other side of the hospital. i was a wreck at this point since i didn't really know what was going to happen and of course because i thought my baby was in danger.
i was admitted to triage at 5pm, examined and told that my cervix was already 80% thinned and i was about 3cm dilated. since i had that progress going in they decided to just give me pitocin to start labor and hope for the best. the resident doctor who examined me told me i couldn't eat or drink anything from that point on just in case i needed to have a c-section, which made me super unhappy since i hadn't eaten since my school-time lunch at 11:30. finally my OB showed up. she was confident that i had a good chance to have a successful, unmedicated vaginal birth like i wanted (other than the pitocin, obviously). the hubby showed up with the hospital bags and immediately i felt a million times better. we waited awhile in triage because Labor & Delivery was full, but my OB told him to go out and get us dinner and we should just relax while we could. so we did. we got a room in L&D about 9pm and they started the pitocin at 9:20 or so. my doula arrived at 10:15.
the first part of labor wasn't that bad at all. i was actually thinking if this was it it was going to be a breeze. my doula had me moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions. i was hooked up to the pitocin IV but i could wheel the thingy around with me, and the fetal heart monitoring (required when you're on pitocin) was wireless so that was super nice in terms of my mobility. the contractions got steadily worse as they upped the pitocin dose in my IV, but i could handle it. i should have known. unfortunately, i wasn't dilating any further. that was super disappointing to hear. so at 4am my OB broke my water (which was disgusting! and so weird!) and then things really picked up. i lose track of time after that, but i know the thoughts of labor being a breeze were gone from my mind. it got really painful, and the strategies i'd been using so far to cope with the contractions (listening to music, telling the hubby and my doula to have random conversations to distract me) stopped working. during those couple of hours, i had decided (though i didn't tell anyone) that when the doctor examined me next if i hadn't made a lot of progress i was going to have to ask for an epidural. i really didn't want one, but i knew i couldn't deal with many more hours feeling the way i was. but, thankfully, when she came back to check on me she found that i was at 7cm! practically there! that was enough of a motivation to keep me going. the next hour or two were pretty brutal in terms of pain. i knew there was an end in sight, but it was really, really hard. my doula, my nurse, and the hubby were absolute superstars. i never could have done it without any of the three of them. the weirdest part for me was how much pressure i felt in my bottom. i didn't feel it at all in my crotch, which is i assumed the sensations would emanate from. instead, as i said to the hubby, i just "couldn't believe how much it feels like this baby is going to come out of my butt." i was still moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions, thanks to my doula forcing me, but it was getting harder and harder. at one point i asked her if we could turn off the pitocin for a little while so i could take a break. she handled that well and reminded me that, actually, the contractions were helping the baby to come so no... we shouldn't turn off the pitocin. i was getting a bit loopy. but by the end of that couple of hours, it was daylight and i was fully dilated and ready to push!
so then i'm thinking: it's the home stretch! an hour or so, maybe, and the baby would be here! i could do it! but once again... my story wasn't what i imagined. pushing took about three and a half hours. which sucked. well, the first hour and a half was actually ok. i kept thinking, "this is so much better than when i was just having contractions and not doing anything about them!" i had a little trouble figuring out how to push at first. i definitely had the urge, but the know-how isn't exactly automatic. they kept telling me to push like i was constipated and trying to have a bowel movement, but as a pregnant person with hemorrhoids this has been a behavior that i have fought against for nine months! my OB coached me through the first few rounds, but then she had to leave for another engagement (she had warned us about this the day before, so i was prepared). the doctor on call was, luckily, amazing and i think did an even better job helping me figure out what the hell i was supposed to be doing. his instructions were very procedural and specific, which is how my brain works. it felt like i was doing something productive, which i liked, and again i just kept thinking it's almost over! right? sigh...
as time went on it got way more intense. the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and as the baby moved down the birth canal the pressure kept increasing. then they realized that i hadn't peed in hours, which might be impeding the baby's path. i told them i didn't feel like i had to go, but they used a catheter to empty my bladder and sure enough it was full! so i kept pushing. and pushing. and then came the part where his head was crowning for, oh, over and hour. they kept saying i was so close, but his head would get sucked back inside at the end of every contraction. that was so frustrating, and i was getting SO tired of pushing (and just tired in general, since i'd been awake for 28 hours at that point and in labor for 14 of them). the last few pushes were really painful because the baby had his hand in his mouth and would not move it, which was apparently why his head wouldn't come out! so the doc had to stick his hands inside and get the silly baby's hand out of the way. that was the part where i yelled "OW!" really loudly twice. it felt like my pelvic bones were cracking. other than that and a few times during the worst of the pre-pushing contractions i was a pretty quiet laborer, surprisingly. everyone kept saying what a great job i was doing and how impressed they were that i hadn't had any pain medication. i was just totally internalized. i knew the other people were in the room but they felt almost like shadows. i knew i had to stay completely focused on pushing to get through it. it was really, really hard. but the baby's heart rate stayed completely steady for my entire labor, which was remarkable, so there was no reason to rush anything or for them to move to any other means of getting the baby out. i was ok, he was ok... so we just kept pushing. and then, eventually, he was there: 12:53pm, Saturday, October 13. he weighed 8lbs. and 9oz. and was 20 inches long. and he had a full head of hair just like the ultrasound techs were always telling me they saw in the scans.
i almost couldn't believe it when they showed him to me and put him on my chest. it was so bizarre to see the little creature that had been inside me for months out in the world. i thought beforehand that i would surely cry when i saw him, but i didn't. i was so happy and just kept staring at him. the hubby cut the umbilical cord (which originally he thought he wouldn't do... he also thought he wouldn't look at anything below my waist during delivery, but that didn't happen either!) and the doctor showed us the placenta and amniotic sac when they came out, which were really freakin' cool to see. as we stared at the baby and my doula helped us get started with breastfeeding, the doctor was rinsing and washing me up and stitching closed the two tiny tears that i sustained during all that pushing. he seemed surprised i didn't tear worse than that, considering how long i pushed and how incredibly swollen i was. i say it was all of that perineal massage! after i'd held him for awhile the doctors checked out the baby, a bit closely because he seemed to be having some respiratory issues. a visit from a pediatrics resident and a nicu resident resolved those worries, and eventually we were allowed to have our families (who'd been in the waiting room for hours) come in to visit, and then they packed us up and moved us upstairs to the Mother & Baby unit.
the hubby and our family stayed in my room for a few hours. they brought me some food and waited on me hand and foot. the hubby was so exhausted he could barely see straight, but i was running on so much adrenaline i didn't even feel tired. i definitely didn't feel like i'd been awake for 36 hours and had just done the most difficult physical task of my life. the nurses came and explained a bunch of stuff to me about my medication and my hospital stay and newborn care. around 7pm everyone went home. my first night was a little harrowing. not only did i have this tiny baby to take care of (though he really did sleep most of the time), but i was still hooked up to the pitocin IV (they were afraid since my labor wasn't natural that my body wouldn't continue to have the necessary contractions to take care of all the afterbirth stuff) and i was gushing blood from my vagina and could barely sit down due to the horrific state of my hemorrhoids from all that damn pushing. seriously, my hemorrhoid experience prior to this was nothing. laughable. they gave me 800mg ibuprofen, which was a lifesaver (i'm still taking it, ten days later, and have no plans to stop anytime soon). every trip to the bathroom was a half hour endeavor between wheeling the IV with me and trying to keep from bleeding all over everything. i had my parents bring me Depends on the second day because i couldn't think of anything other than diapers that would contain the mess. (i'm still using those, too, ten days later). my body definitely felt like it had been through something huge and unparalleled. but every time i looked at the baby i knew it was worth it.
i stayed in the hospital for two days. the nurses were so helpful and kind, and i took a breastfeeding class with a lactation nurse that was really useful. the hubby and our family came to visit and brought me food and coffee, but i also had some alone time with the baby that i cherished. they discharged me and the baby on monday morning, when both of us were declared healthy and ready for the world (other than some iron issues with me, so i'm on a supplement). my physical ailments are getting better by the day. still bleeding and still sore, but much less so. even the hemorrhoids are getting better already. i plan to write weekly updates, so i'll condense the first week and a half into my first Parenthood post soon. as a sneak preview, though, things are going pretty well. it's a whole new world, but i was ready for it, and i'm loving it so far. :)
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