now that i am a parent with a whopping five weeks of experience to draw upon, i can reflect on the baby gear that we acquired (and didn't) for this newborn and hopefully offer some insight to other prospective parents. as everyone knows, the baby industrial complex is enormous, and every store and magazine and website would lead you to believe that you need every single item that comes out of baby gear factories in order to be a successful parent. i knew this wasn't true, and i intend to document my findings throughout this process.
STROLLERS
here's my biggest regret so far. i followed the beaten path when it came to strollers and didn't really do any of my own thinking/research. for some reason i trusted the six zillion other parents in my yuppie neighborhood and got what EVERYONE has: a snap & go carseat/stroller system for the newborn, and a regular stroller for when he's six months or so and older. (the city mini, obviously, which is the stroller of choice in our neighborhood.)
so here's the thing: the snap & go system is not made for real stroller usage. i can see if you're a suburbanite and just need something to wheel around target or use on vacation or whatever. but this thing is not cut out for living the city life. the shocks are terrible. it barely makes turns around regular street corners. it SUCKS. i feel like i'm giving my baby a concussion every time i use it. the ONLY advantage i can see to having this system is if you want to be able to carry a sleeping baby in the car seat from car/house to "stroller" to another destination or back home again. this, honestly, is what i envisioned when i registered for it: we'd go out to dinner at a tiny restaurant or over to a friend's house and want to leave the baby in the car seat and fold up the stroller base and put it aside. not only hasn't this happened, i don't see that it ever will. i nearly always use a baby carrier when i take him out right now. it's much easier than dealing with the stroller. when he gets bigger this might change... but by then he will have most likely outgrown the infant car seat and stroller system anyway! i wish we'd just gotten the car seat (required by law and we'll need it for trips/rental cars anyway) and the city mini.
one more tip about that -- people will tell you that in order to use the city mini with an infant who can't hold his head up that you need to buy a $60 adapter that allows you to put the car seat on the city mini like you would on the snap & go frame. my research has shown me that this is also unnecessary (unless you really want to keep the baby in the car seat, like i said before. i do not.). the city mini's seat reclines so far back that you can lay a newborn down inside totally safely. and, if you really want to amp up the support, you can simply buy one of these cozy things for added security. i just ordered that yesterday and we will be switching to the city mini for our stroller needs as soon as i get it in the mail.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we received the Snuzzler and have used it successfully with the citi mini. the babe seems to love being able to see what's happening around him on our walks, and i love that the stroller can actually navigate city streets. we even took it off-roading in the park yesterday.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 the babe is 7.5 months old now and we are still loving the city mini, though personally it's not my transportation mode of choice (i'm really partial to the Ergo carrier... more below). we've folded it up in order to travel by bus/subway only a couple of times, and that is not a lot of fun (nor is it really possible for one person to do without serious annoyance). we will be investing in a lightweight umbrella stroller for this purpose. (possibly the uppa baby g-lite, which is well-reviewed by other moms in my neighborhood.)
CHANGING TABLE
we have a small apartment and didn't want a uni-tasker piece of furniture, so we got a dresser that is the appropriate height for the baby to be changed on top of it. we put the changing pad on top and voila -- changing table. it's perfect. also -- we don't use a cover on the changing pad. ever. what a freakin' silly thing to do unless you're a person who likes doing laundry even more than i do. he pees and poops all over the changing pad every time we change him, so i just put a cloth diaper under him and throw that in the wash when needed. the changing pad is waterproof and wipes clean in two seconds. i wouldn't do it any other way.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i still wouldn't alter our changing table method, but over the past month or so the changing pad has started acquiring some small tears. no big deal, especially since we cover it with prefold diapers for the babe to lay on -- and because they cost all of $15 if we want to replace it -- but i did want to note that.
DIAPER GENIE
didn't get it and glad we didn't. totally unnecessary. we have a small trash can with a foot-operated lid next to the "changing table" and it's perfect.
BABY CARRIERS
as i said above, i am using a baby carrier far more often than a stroller right now. i plan to continue this trend as much as i can, because dealing with strollers seems really annoying... both for the person using it and the people around her. there are a zillion carriers out there and from what i can tell so far it's a personal decision for mom/dad and baby what works well. and who knows -- it may change as baby gets bigger.
- i am obsessed with my ergo. there is an infant insert that you can buy to use the ergo with a newborn, but i read reviews online and didn't buy it and i'm glad i didn't. seems totally unnecessary to me. instead, i just bundle the baby up in a blanket and stick him inside, and it works perfectly. now, if you have a smaller baby this might not be as effective. but with my big boy who can sort of already hold his head up, it's just fine.
- i also inherited a new native baby sling, which is also great. i mostly use this around the house. i took him out in it once and -- it might be a coincidence -- he got super fussy after a couple hours. i think the position he was in might not be super comfy for long. but inside i've manipulated him in a bunch of different positions and he seems to like it.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 i'm a bit confused about the sizing of the new native sling. as the baby gets bigger, he just seems totally cramped in there. so i bought a different kind of sling, a "ring sling," because i was enjoying that option especially in the house and people talked about liking the ring variety. the maya wrap is the most popular, but is stupid expensive, so i bought the lite on shoulder sling instead. so far i've had a tough time figuring out how to manipulate it, but there are a lot of videos online that i am perusing in my spare time (ha) and i am hopeful that this will be another carrier in our rotation. he has slept in it several times when i've been doing dishes or eating dinner or something, which is lovely. (he has also screamed and totally freaked out other times i've attempted to put him in it. so.)
- i have tried mostly unsuccessfully to use the moby wrap, which i also got from a friend. i want to use it and love it, i really do. we'll see if that happens.
- we were given a baby bjorn that we've never even tried to use. seems way too complicated to me.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we are primarily an Ergo family. nothing else has really worked for us, but we love the Ergo so much. we used it exclusively on a ten day trip to paris. i can't say enough good about it. i've done a lot of reading about the benefits of having the baby facing your body rather than facing outwards -- which was a big reason i wanted a different kind of carrier for awhile -- and it makes sense to me to stick with the Ergo.
CHAIRS/SWINGS
we didn't register for anything in this category because of our small apartment problem. i figured if we ended up with a baby who seemed to need something of this nature that we'd worry about it then. a friend gave me a bumbo seat, which can't be used until he can hold his head up, so i'll update on that at a later date. but she also gave us a vibrating rocking chair, similar to this. THAT has been a godsend and i'm actually not sure what i thought we'd be doing with the baby all the time when i imagined not having anything like this around. we don't use the vibrating feature. in fact, it doesn't even have batteries in it for that or the sound. but he sits in it, and we rock him, and sometimes he falls asleep in it and other times he just chills out and looks around. it's great. i love it. when he gets bigger he can rock it himself (he does that accidentally sometimes right now and it's pretty funny), and it can also be converted to different reclining angles and to a non-rocking chair by adjusting the legs. so glad we have this. highly recommended.
we don't have a swing. he would probably like one, but he's doing just fine without it.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i would like to state again how incredibly dumb i was to think we didn't need a little chair/rocker for the babe. we have since purchased a new infant-to-toddler rocker so we could take the older one to my parents' house and have the new one at home. as he's getting bigger it's even more useful to have a spot for him to chill out. we need to buckle him in now so he doesn't topple out (we never did when he was smaller) but he loves his little chair, and it should fit him until he's a toddler when he can sit in it like a normal chair and put his feet on the floor. LOVE it.
EXERSAUCERS, ETC.
we didn't register for anything like this and i wasn't sure what, if anything, along these lines we would get. when the babe was around four months old i knew we needed something other than the little chair (see above) because he needed to be able to sit up and use his legs. after a ton of research, i chose the fisher price step & play piano because a) it's musical, which i love; and b) it's convertible as they get older. before the baby can stand or walk, there's a little seat for him to sit in, spin around in, and play with the toys. then you can take the seat out so he can practice standing and, eventually, walking. toddlers can (and do) still play with it because it's accessible once you're walking (i've seen this with little visitors to our house). the babe LOVES it and i know we'll get lots more use out of it.
however, the one disadvantage to this over other exersaucers is the lack of a jumper feature. i didn't realize how much he wanted to jump until we took him to a friend's house and he spent a good half an hour wide-eyed, laughing and jumping in their little exersaucer/jumper. so when he was about six months old we ordered this graco doorway jumper. he really, really, really loves jumping, and i've seen such a difference in the strength and stability in his legs since we got it. so all in all, right now (he's 7 months old) we have three "stations" that he spends time in: his little rocker/chair, his musical chair, and his jumper. all three offer different advantages and the combination gives him varied positions and experiences throughout the day. now that he's sitting up on his own, we also just plop him on the floor on a blanket and give him some toys, which works. or he sits on the couch with us... though that will change whenever he starts crawling.
BASSINET
we got the arm's reach co-sleeper bassinet, which is another one of those things that everyone in this city seems to have gotten. we bought it used for half the price, which was key since you only use it for a few months. it's working out spectacularly for us. he sleeps in it every night and i love that it attaches to the bed and that he's sleeping right next to me without actually being in the bed. i know people who never used it... not sure what they did instead. this thing rocks.
SWADDLES
i have swaddled other babies using regular swaddling blankets. we got a few of them. but what we've actually been using for this seemingly exceptionally squirmy and strong baby of ours are the velcro variety. Summer Infant and Kiddopotamus both make good ones. i got a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from friends and didn't think i'd use them, but it's all we use and we use them EVERY night. it's the only way he'll sleep in the bassinet. fantastic invention, let me tell you. we also have some sleep sacks, but haven't used those yet.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we've now used the sleep sack a couple of times, mostly because he has been busting out of the small size velcro swaddle and isn't big enough yet for the next size up. however, the sleep sack is also a bit large (small size fits 3-6 months; he wears some 3mo size but not all) and this is actually a serious safety hazard, i learned. because it's two separate pieces (the sack and the wrap that swaddles his arms) when he wiggles his arms enough, he can push the wrap up and over his face. i woke up hearing him fussing and turned in horror to see that his entire face was covered by the fabric! obviously he did not suffocate and it wasn't tight enough to do so, probably, but it was enough for me not to put this back on him until i'm sure it really fits. or never again, possibly.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we stopped swaddling the babe when he was around three months old. it seemed to be frustrating him more than it was helping at that point and he's been fine ever since.
PACIFIERS
i don't believe in forcing every baby to use a pacifier, but i knew that some babies are really comforted by them. i bought a few different kinds because i read that different babies have different preferences, and the only one he will use right now is the phillips avent "soothie." some days he loves it, other days he wants nothing to do with it. i'm glad we have it on hand as a trick up our sleeve.
UPDATE: he's now mostly using the same type of pacifier, but one that's attached to a stuffed animal; this one, in particular. i thought it was just a cute gimmick but the weight of the animal actually helps keep it in his mouth, especially when he's laying on his back in his bassinet. he has also started to try to grab the stuffed animal to hold it in his mouth himself, which isn't totally successful yet but shows initiative.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 before he was four months old, pacifier use was inconsistent. sometimes it calmed him down, sometimes not. it wasn't an every day thing and i actually thought it wouldn't become part of our regular routine. but when i went back to work, our nanny used it as a sleep strategy and it has worked wonders in getting the babe into a nap and nighttime sleep routine. that's the only time he uses a pacifier -- i don't want it to become a habit outside of sleep and it helps for him to associate it with sleepytime. sometimes he falls asleep quickly without it, but a lot of the time we pop it into his mouth, he sucks for a few minutes, falls asleep, and it falls out. the end. oh, and the animal pacifier became more annoying once he really started paying attention to (and getting distracted by) everything -- around five months.
BURP CLOTHS
i am of the opinion that you cannot have too many burp cloths with a baby around, particularly if you are breastfeeding. i like to have at least one in every room of the house, plus many extras to replace those when they get nasty (which happens multiple times per day). i have a few different kinds but recently go these aden & anais "burpy bibs" given to me and they are phenomenal. i want to replace all my other ones with these. they are exactly the right size, shape, material, and weight to just throw over your shoulder or tuck into the front of your top when nursing without any hassle. plus they have little snaps on the edges so you can use them for full wrap-around bibs. they are genius. i can't say enough about them. they might be my favorite baby thing of all. well, other than the baby.
that's all the gear we're using right now. i will update this post over time as i glean any other knowledge about the myriad things we have filling up the baby's room...
Monday, November 19, 2012
Five weeks and two days old
it's thanksgiving week and i am thankful most of all for my son. but these days i am also thankful for little things like being able to sit at the computer and type while he's quiet and (possibly?) sleeping strapped to my chest in the sling. i don't know how long this will last. this is the edge-of-my-seat thrilling nature of the life of the parent of a five week old. but while it lasts, i will try to document the past week or so.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Parenthood: the first four weeks
it's funny to me now that i planned to write a weekly post. perhaps at some point i'll get to that stage in my functionality, but by then weekly posts probably won't be that interesting or necessary. right now i'm pretty pleased that i'm finding the time and energy to write about this first almost month (!!!) since the baby arrived... and i can't decide if that elapsed time feels like much longer or much shorter. or both, somehow.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
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