okay, so i've been lax in my posting. going back to work has, not surprisingly, made life a bit busier and more complicated. it's going well overall. the babe is so happy and good with his nanny (who is amazing). i had a much tougher transition to the new routine... funny that i didn't think about that. i was so worried about him having separation anxiety or not taking a bottle or being unhappy when i was gone, but he adjusted within days while i've been back at work for two months and still cry on a regular basis when i leave him. i plan to write more about this in a separate post -- this, and cloth diapers, and starting solids... all topics i have thoughts about and experiences with to share... when i have time.
but for now i want to write a quick post to commemorate my son's upcoming six month "birthday" in just a week. the hubby and i were remarking today how time continues to feel both like it's flying and like every week is an eternity. for example, i can't believe that he's almost six months old. but i also can no longer remember life before him, which feels like it was eons ago. he is such a different baby than he was just a month ago. these days it seems like every few days he's doing something new or becoming more a part of the world. he has such a personality now and interacts with everything around him in such an authentic way; it's hard to hearken back to the days when he was just a lump of baby that could sleep through anything in anyone's arms and didn't do anything other than nurse and poop and cry. and then it's hard to envision the tremendous growth that is still in front of him. he's still a baby, just half a year old! and yet so much change, so much excitement, so much blooming (for lack of a better word) has been compressed into that time. he greets the world around him now with wide, anticipating eyes; with a smile and a laugh that melt my heart.
and how am i? aside from my ongoing guilt and sadness about going back to work and commuting an hour away from home, i'm great. the anxiety and stress i expected to take on as a new parent never really materialized. i've had my moments/hours/even days, interspersed throughout the past six months, but overall i feel more fulfilled than i ever have. my marriage, though still comparatively sex-less, is solid. we, too, have our moments of frustration with one another (which usually coincide with the above-mentioned moments/hours/days), but we seem to have shifted into parent mode fairly seamlessly. and i have gotten to a point with my parenting decisions that feels very empowered and secure. i spent the first couple of months -- as evidenced by many of the posts on this blog -- trying to be very methodical and routinized and grasping on to the advice and guidelines given by any number of books, websites, pediatricians, and fellow parents. heck, i had studied this stuff ahead of time and really thought i knew what to do and what was best for a newborn. my biggest lesson after six months is that there is no one best way to do anything with a newborn. and that my instincts as a parent and understandings of my son are the best guidelines i can follow.
this has dawned on me slowly. it took my previous lesson -- "everything changes" -- to get me there. i felt frustrated that i was spending so much time trying to follow the programmatic teachings of those experts who were somehow qualified to tell me how my child should sleep and nurse and interact with me and others and that still "progress" would only happen in spurts. i entered a phase of slowly pulling back from trying to implement the routines and schedules, but worrying in the back of my mind that i was screwing everything up. "i'll think about that tomorrow," i kept telling myself, a la scarlett o'hara. "for now, it's working."
and then i went back to work, which was so emotionally and physically draining that there was no way i could dedicate the energy or time to worrying about how many hours per 24 period the babe was sleeping or how long he was going in between "meals." i lost the desire to push his bedtime any earlier than we already had (9pm-ish) because any more lost time with him would have broken my heart. i completely rejected the mission to "train" him to sleep in his own bed consistently, because i craved closeness with him -- not further separation. and i decided that i definitely did not care if he still woke up to nurse during the night, because those moments together in the nighttime stillness are so precious and fleeting, i know. still i worried that i was setting us up for a disaster in ignoring the experts and forming all of these "bad habits." but i was so devastated to have lost 8 hours of every day with him that i just didn't care. and what i slowly started to discover was that i resented the "experts" and had a growing sense that i wasn't resisting the advice only because i didn't WANT to put these things into place, but because i didn't feel it was right for us.
that feeling has grown over the past six weeks. i fully support anyone's decision to do what's best for their baby and their family, but i like feeling certain that i'm not screwing up my baby or my life by the daily choices that i make. we have loose routines, but no tight schedule. and that seems to work. the babe is still making progress in becoming a better sleeper without us forcing him to sleep alone. he puts himself to sleep quite often now, for naps and nighttime sleep, without me having to nurse him to sleep like i did for so long. i didn't "train" him out of this habit, he just grew out of it. he sleeps fine in his pack & play, but when he wakes up during the night and i bring him into our bed (which happens almost every night), he and i both sleep exceptionally well... and it doesn't keep him from being able to sleep in the pack & play the next day. he's independently spacing out the time in between meals even though i still nurse on demand (and the nanny pretty much bottle-feeds on demand). as he's growing and changing, he's independently doing what he needs to do to transition to being an older baby. we haven't had to force anything on him or endure any painful "training." i know that eventually he'll sleep through the night. i know that when we transition him into his own room (this summer, when i'm off of work and have the time and energy to do it) that eventually he will learn to sleep in his crib all night. i know that as we introduce solid foods this week that he'll taper down his nursing over the next few months and that eventually he won't be stuck to my breast all the time. and for now, whatever steps we take to get to all of that are fine by me. we're happy, we're bonding, and he's thriving. we're all sleeping, and we're still living our life and incorporating him into it, rather than being run by his schedule. it's working. and i've never been happier than when i wake up on a saturday morning to his smile. there's nothing better.
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
the battle of the bottle
we first gave the babe a bottle when he was four weeks old. it took a half hour or so, but he eventually drank it happily. a few days later we went out and left him with my parents and he drank two bottles, also happily. and then... everything changed. of course. just a few days after that, he started putting up a fight, and he hasn't willingly drank from a bottle since -- though he has forced down a few ounces here and there with pressure or out of necessity.
he absolutely has to get to a point where he can eat without a breast, because i've gotta go back to work. at first i thought it would just take time, but recently i started to get a little panicked. we were trying a bottle every day with practically no progress or success. i've gotten advice from lots of sources about this issue, and we've tried it all. we've varied the temperature of the milk, the age of the milk, the type of bottle, the type of nipple, who gives it to him, how he's held, the time of day... nothing works. he just seems to be a boob guy.
for your reference, the bottles we have in our house:
Philips Avent - these are the bottles i registered for after a ton of research. now i have a bunch of both the small and large sizes, and my baby seems to hate them.
mimijumi - as you can see, they really look like a breast, but the nipple wasn't as soft as i'd hoped. the babe was not a fan.
nuk -- my mom said these were the ones i liked as a baby, but my baby did not agree.
breastflow -- these have an interesting nipple that is supposed to simulate breastfeeding. it made no difference.
mam -- have one of these, haven't tried it.
Lansinoh Momma - i got one of these for free with something else i bought and tried it on a whim when he wouldn't take the Avent bottle. this was actually the bottle that he did take for a couple of weeks. now he seems to hate it, but i will keep trying just in case he changes his mind.
Tommee Tippee - the word around our neighborhood (and from our new pediatrician) is that these are the best for babies who go back and forth between breast and bottle. the babe successfully drank one on christmas, but then mostly stopped (other than a couple ounces when left alone with my parents). we may go back to it.
Playex drop ins - these nipples go on those old school bottles with the liners that you drop in already filled with milk. i swear they're what babies in the 70s and 80s used, but apparently they're still considered good -- especially for transitioning babies from breast to bottle. i was optimistic when we first tried these and still think they might be "the ones." he drinks a couple of swallows from them before he starts screaming...
it has been an exhausting and stressful few weeks on this front. while all else is going smoothly, this feels like such a big issue that i was starting to freak out. yesterday we had our first visit with a new pediatrician, and he reassured me that my son will not starve to death. first of all, he has some good fat stores going on (75th percentile in weight!!!). but most of all, the doc said babies will adjust when they have to, and when i go back to work it might be a rough couple of days for him but he will almost definitely drink from a bottle. (and if not, there are other options like a cup, a dropper, early use of a sippy cup -- apparently works for some babies -- or just adapting his feeding schedule so he nurses more when i'm home.)
the doctor advised that we lay off of the bottle battle right now. i still have five and a half weeks before i go back to work, so i should enjoy that time with the babe and not stress. the doc says it seems unlikely that he will "ease into" bottle feeding, so we might as well just wait to deal with it when we have to. i am so relieved by this advice! while i know it will likely still create some stress in a month or so, i am so glad to stop making my baby scream his head off for a half hour every day while he wonders why on earth i'm sticking this silicone monstrosity in his mouth.
the doc also said that changing our nursing habits could help. i'm still nursing on demand, which has meant about every two hours during the day and even more in the evening. i know the babe comfort nurses and isn't always that hungry, and his weight at our doctor visit yesterday confirmed that he is eating more than he needs to. the pediatrician suggested trying to extend the time between feedings and also making sure we have other ways to comfort him when he's fussy instead of always offering a breast. if he starts seeing nursing as mostly hunger related and not just bonding time with me when he's crabby he may accept a bottle more readily. i know this will help, so that's my focus over the next few weeks. we may still try a bottle once in awhile, but for now... i'm raising the white flag. to be continued...
UPDATE: April 6, 2013
the magic solution turned out to be a sippy cup nipple. i cannot explain why this made a difference to him, but he started taking it from me -- inconsistently, but with more success than we'd had with any bottle -- even before i went back to work. by the time the nanny was with him full time for two days, he had no issues whatsoever and has been happily taking a bottle ever since. it hasn't impacted his nursing when i'm home, and i think he'd still prefer the breast anytime, but what was the biggest battle of his babyhood thus far was resolved within days as soon as we thought outside the box. i bought the nuk learner cup and i just take off the handle so it looks like a regular bottle with the sippy cup nipple. worked like a charm. they're recommended for six months and older but he started taking it at four months and our pediatrician said it was fine. what a relief.
he absolutely has to get to a point where he can eat without a breast, because i've gotta go back to work. at first i thought it would just take time, but recently i started to get a little panicked. we were trying a bottle every day with practically no progress or success. i've gotten advice from lots of sources about this issue, and we've tried it all. we've varied the temperature of the milk, the age of the milk, the type of bottle, the type of nipple, who gives it to him, how he's held, the time of day... nothing works. he just seems to be a boob guy.
for your reference, the bottles we have in our house:
Philips Avent - these are the bottles i registered for after a ton of research. now i have a bunch of both the small and large sizes, and my baby seems to hate them.
mimijumi - as you can see, they really look like a breast, but the nipple wasn't as soft as i'd hoped. the babe was not a fan.
nuk -- my mom said these were the ones i liked as a baby, but my baby did not agree.
breastflow -- these have an interesting nipple that is supposed to simulate breastfeeding. it made no difference.
mam -- have one of these, haven't tried it.
Lansinoh Momma - i got one of these for free with something else i bought and tried it on a whim when he wouldn't take the Avent bottle. this was actually the bottle that he did take for a couple of weeks. now he seems to hate it, but i will keep trying just in case he changes his mind.
Tommee Tippee - the word around our neighborhood (and from our new pediatrician) is that these are the best for babies who go back and forth between breast and bottle. the babe successfully drank one on christmas, but then mostly stopped (other than a couple ounces when left alone with my parents). we may go back to it.
Playex drop ins - these nipples go on those old school bottles with the liners that you drop in already filled with milk. i swear they're what babies in the 70s and 80s used, but apparently they're still considered good -- especially for transitioning babies from breast to bottle. i was optimistic when we first tried these and still think they might be "the ones." he drinks a couple of swallows from them before he starts screaming...
it has been an exhausting and stressful few weeks on this front. while all else is going smoothly, this feels like such a big issue that i was starting to freak out. yesterday we had our first visit with a new pediatrician, and he reassured me that my son will not starve to death. first of all, he has some good fat stores going on (75th percentile in weight!!!). but most of all, the doc said babies will adjust when they have to, and when i go back to work it might be a rough couple of days for him but he will almost definitely drink from a bottle. (and if not, there are other options like a cup, a dropper, early use of a sippy cup -- apparently works for some babies -- or just adapting his feeding schedule so he nurses more when i'm home.)
the doctor advised that we lay off of the bottle battle right now. i still have five and a half weeks before i go back to work, so i should enjoy that time with the babe and not stress. the doc says it seems unlikely that he will "ease into" bottle feeding, so we might as well just wait to deal with it when we have to. i am so relieved by this advice! while i know it will likely still create some stress in a month or so, i am so glad to stop making my baby scream his head off for a half hour every day while he wonders why on earth i'm sticking this silicone monstrosity in his mouth.
the doc also said that changing our nursing habits could help. i'm still nursing on demand, which has meant about every two hours during the day and even more in the evening. i know the babe comfort nurses and isn't always that hungry, and his weight at our doctor visit yesterday confirmed that he is eating more than he needs to. the pediatrician suggested trying to extend the time between feedings and also making sure we have other ways to comfort him when he's fussy instead of always offering a breast. if he starts seeing nursing as mostly hunger related and not just bonding time with me when he's crabby he may accept a bottle more readily. i know this will help, so that's my focus over the next few weeks. we may still try a bottle once in awhile, but for now... i'm raising the white flag. to be continued...
UPDATE: April 6, 2013
the magic solution turned out to be a sippy cup nipple. i cannot explain why this made a difference to him, but he started taking it from me -- inconsistently, but with more success than we'd had with any bottle -- even before i went back to work. by the time the nanny was with him full time for two days, he had no issues whatsoever and has been happily taking a bottle ever since. it hasn't impacted his nursing when i'm home, and i think he'd still prefer the breast anytime, but what was the biggest battle of his babyhood thus far was resolved within days as soon as we thought outside the box. i bought the nuk learner cup and i just take off the handle so it looks like a regular bottle with the sippy cup nipple. worked like a charm. they're recommended for six months and older but he started taking it at four months and our pediatrician said it was fine. what a relief.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
two months: everything changes... lesson learned
it has been two months since my baby was born (ten weeks today, actually) and the biggest lesson i have learned so far is not to get used to anything. good or bad. this is both intimidating and exhilarating, depending on the day. for example, our first few weeks of effortless sleep seem to have been a fleeting thing, which sucks. however, the baby refusing to sleep during the day and making himself crazy out of overtiredness at night was also a passing phase. so now i am trying to go with the flow and take things -- literally -- one day and one night at a time. because chances are the next one will be different. i'm not sure how long this complete lack of consistency lasts... but i'm trying not to worry about that now, either.
it was sleep, though, that led me to this grand understanding in the first place. after a battle for a couple of weeks to try to get the baby to go to sleep earlier, i have finally given up. since he was born he's been sleeping roughly from 11pm until 10am (waking up to nurse, of course). we were letting him fall asleep whenever, mostly in the living room as we were watching TV, and putting him in the bassinet whenever we went to bed. he slept very well and i wasn't worried about it in the least. then i started reading about sleep and listening to professional advice. i'm not saying you shouldn't ever listen to other people's theories about babies, but i did not realize at that point that you really need to take it all as recommendations based on SOME babies, SOME families, and SOME beliefs... none of which are necessarily applicable to your own baby.
after reading and listening too much and doubting myself, i got concerned that he was awake so late, since some experts insist that babies are wired to go to sleep around 7pm! "they" also say that babies need a bedtime routine: an hour of quiet, calm before sleeping, etc., in order to sleep soundly. some people insist that even at this baby's young age, the routines we were getting him into (which, remember, are reportedly terrible) would stick and be difficult to fix later on. so we tried -- horribly unsuccessfully -- to implement a routine and adjust his schedule for a week or so and i ended up crying and convincing myself that he was now a terrible sleeper and we were in for months of frustration. when he screamed and wouldn't sleep in the bassinet i ended up bringing him into our bed and nursing him to sleep, which -- according to experts -- was the absolute worst thing i could do to establish a sleep routine.
but when i finally took a step back, i realized that he was still falling asleep at the same time he had always been. he just screamed and cried when i tried to make him "go to bed" earlier than that. eventually, by 11pm, nearly every night he was sound asleep. and even without a routine and with going to bed so late, he was still sleeping well and i had no concerns about him being rested during the day. what we had been doing before was working, and wanting to make all these changes was just me not trusting my instincts. my pediatrician had freaked me out about forming habits that we'd have to fix later, even though my understanding and belief has always been that you can't really institute any habits or routines before babies are four months old. so i've let all of the worry go for now. he does often get fussy in the evenings before he falls asleep, and i realize that he is probably tired but doesn't want to go to sleep. however, i'm still not going to force him to go to sleep before he's ready... because i've seen that it just doesn't work. he'll sleep when he's ready. and he does! perfectly happily and soundly in his bassinet. he's also gotten much better about napping during the day, which helps his night sleep, too. this is an area that i've had to be more proactive about: i need to insure that he has the opportunity to nap and that i enforce it. but when i do, he does. pretty much without fail.
so right now the baby is quite lovely to be around most of the time. which is pretty awesome. everything would be perfect if he would just freakin' take a bottle. this is my current battle. and it IS one that i need to work on, because unlike some moms i need to go back to work. i also would like to be able to go out and leave him with a babysitter once in awhile, without it turning into the complete disaster we experienced two weeks ago when we had to go to a wedding and left him with my good friend. he refused to take a bottle and screamed for two hours, totally stressing out my friend and upsetting me so much i had a very difficult time enjoying myself at the wedding and not immediately coming home to the Boob Rescue.
he was taking a bottle a few weeks ago, but like i said... everything changes. for some reason the past few weeks he is not a fan. i've done some research and it turns out that some babies are extraordinarily picky about their bottles and, mostly, nipples. i watch him when the hubby is trying to get him to take a bottle, and i can see that he's trying to latch on like he does on the breast, and it just doesn't work with a lot of bottle nipple designs. so we are now embarking upon an experimentation process that will hopefully lead us to the magic cure-all for his hatred of bottle feeding. i will update when there's progress, but this is where we're at so far:
Philips Avent - these are the bottles i registered for after a ton of research. now i have a bunch of both the small and large sizes, and my baby seems to hate them.
Lansinoh Momma - i got one of these for free with something else i bought and tried it on a whim when he wouldn't take the Avent bottle. this was actually the bottle that he did take for a couple of weeks. now he seems to hate it, but i will keep trying just in case he changes his mind.
Tommee Tippee - i just ordered these. the word around our neighborhood is that these are the best for babies who go back and forth between breast and bottle.
Playex drop ins - i also just ordered these. they go on those old school bottles with the liners that you drop in already filled with milk. i swear they're what babies in the 70s and 80s used, but apparently they're still considered good -- especially for transitioning babies from breast to bottle.
mimijumi - i also just ordered these after reading some online reviews. as you can see, they really look like a breast, and the nipple is supposed to be very soft as well.
one baby mission at a time seems to be enough, right? so we'll work on this, and we'll worry about the other stuff later. if it's even still around to be worried about and hasn't completely changed by then...
it was sleep, though, that led me to this grand understanding in the first place. after a battle for a couple of weeks to try to get the baby to go to sleep earlier, i have finally given up. since he was born he's been sleeping roughly from 11pm until 10am (waking up to nurse, of course). we were letting him fall asleep whenever, mostly in the living room as we were watching TV, and putting him in the bassinet whenever we went to bed. he slept very well and i wasn't worried about it in the least. then i started reading about sleep and listening to professional advice. i'm not saying you shouldn't ever listen to other people's theories about babies, but i did not realize at that point that you really need to take it all as recommendations based on SOME babies, SOME families, and SOME beliefs... none of which are necessarily applicable to your own baby.
after reading and listening too much and doubting myself, i got concerned that he was awake so late, since some experts insist that babies are wired to go to sleep around 7pm! "they" also say that babies need a bedtime routine: an hour of quiet, calm before sleeping, etc., in order to sleep soundly. some people insist that even at this baby's young age, the routines we were getting him into (which, remember, are reportedly terrible) would stick and be difficult to fix later on. so we tried -- horribly unsuccessfully -- to implement a routine and adjust his schedule for a week or so and i ended up crying and convincing myself that he was now a terrible sleeper and we were in for months of frustration. when he screamed and wouldn't sleep in the bassinet i ended up bringing him into our bed and nursing him to sleep, which -- according to experts -- was the absolute worst thing i could do to establish a sleep routine.
but when i finally took a step back, i realized that he was still falling asleep at the same time he had always been. he just screamed and cried when i tried to make him "go to bed" earlier than that. eventually, by 11pm, nearly every night he was sound asleep. and even without a routine and with going to bed so late, he was still sleeping well and i had no concerns about him being rested during the day. what we had been doing before was working, and wanting to make all these changes was just me not trusting my instincts. my pediatrician had freaked me out about forming habits that we'd have to fix later, even though my understanding and belief has always been that you can't really institute any habits or routines before babies are four months old. so i've let all of the worry go for now. he does often get fussy in the evenings before he falls asleep, and i realize that he is probably tired but doesn't want to go to sleep. however, i'm still not going to force him to go to sleep before he's ready... because i've seen that it just doesn't work. he'll sleep when he's ready. and he does! perfectly happily and soundly in his bassinet. he's also gotten much better about napping during the day, which helps his night sleep, too. this is an area that i've had to be more proactive about: i need to insure that he has the opportunity to nap and that i enforce it. but when i do, he does. pretty much without fail.
so right now the baby is quite lovely to be around most of the time. which is pretty awesome. everything would be perfect if he would just freakin' take a bottle. this is my current battle. and it IS one that i need to work on, because unlike some moms i need to go back to work. i also would like to be able to go out and leave him with a babysitter once in awhile, without it turning into the complete disaster we experienced two weeks ago when we had to go to a wedding and left him with my good friend. he refused to take a bottle and screamed for two hours, totally stressing out my friend and upsetting me so much i had a very difficult time enjoying myself at the wedding and not immediately coming home to the Boob Rescue.
he was taking a bottle a few weeks ago, but like i said... everything changes. for some reason the past few weeks he is not a fan. i've done some research and it turns out that some babies are extraordinarily picky about their bottles and, mostly, nipples. i watch him when the hubby is trying to get him to take a bottle, and i can see that he's trying to latch on like he does on the breast, and it just doesn't work with a lot of bottle nipple designs. so we are now embarking upon an experimentation process that will hopefully lead us to the magic cure-all for his hatred of bottle feeding. i will update when there's progress, but this is where we're at so far:
Philips Avent - these are the bottles i registered for after a ton of research. now i have a bunch of both the small and large sizes, and my baby seems to hate them.
Lansinoh Momma - i got one of these for free with something else i bought and tried it on a whim when he wouldn't take the Avent bottle. this was actually the bottle that he did take for a couple of weeks. now he seems to hate it, but i will keep trying just in case he changes his mind.
Tommee Tippee - i just ordered these. the word around our neighborhood is that these are the best for babies who go back and forth between breast and bottle.
Playex drop ins - i also just ordered these. they go on those old school bottles with the liners that you drop in already filled with milk. i swear they're what babies in the 70s and 80s used, but apparently they're still considered good -- especially for transitioning babies from breast to bottle.
mimijumi - i also just ordered these after reading some online reviews. as you can see, they really look like a breast, and the nipple is supposed to be very soft as well.
one baby mission at a time seems to be enough, right? so we'll work on this, and we'll worry about the other stuff later. if it's even still around to be worried about and hasn't completely changed by then...
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
seven weeks: smiles, sleep struggles, and saying goodbye to huggies (mostly)
at our two week visit to the pediatrician, she drew us a little timeline to show us the trajectory of the first 8 weeks. i remember that arrow arcing upwards towards the happy face at 8 weeks. i am thinking a lot about that arrow and that happy face lately and really hoping that she was right.
it's been a challenging week. i thought, honestly, that the first six weeks were supposed to be the toughest. for us that wasn't the case, except for a couple of bad days/nights mixed in there. but at six and a half weeks, the tide began to turn. it's been both a blessing and a curse in many ways. the baby is so delightful to be around now... when he's happy. the days of him being just a lump of baby are mostly over, except when he's milk-drunk or half asleep. he smiles at us and makes eye contact, he looks at toys and people and reacts to things he hears and sees. we actually feel like he's interacting with us, which is amazing. but on the other hand, all of this excitement complicates his life. a lot. he gets overstimulated if we don't watch out and make sure things are happening at an appropriate speed for him, and he does not like to sleep anymore. both of these things lead to a lot of screaming and crying, by both baby and mama. (daddy seems to be handling things in stride and hasn't even lost his cool yet, which also infuriates mama.)
when we finally figured out (after a couple of tough nights) that he just wasn't getting enough sleep, we thought it would be an easy fix. at his age he should still be getting 14-15 hours of sleep in each 24 hour day. so we decided to put him in bed earlier at night and also to make sure he was napping during the day. both of these solutions are smart, but have been harder than we imagined. we put him to bed earlier, but he mostly screams and still doesn't fall asleep for an hour or more. and he has now started rebelling against every daytime nap strategy i have. going for a walk with him in the carrier used to be a magic trick. now sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in the carrier, he just looks around. at best he'll sleep half the time we're out. and forget sleeping in the stroller. he's done with that. in the house, his little chairs and the sling are shots in the dark at this point. sometimes he'll sleep there. other times he just screams. he is happy if he's being held or sitting in our laps, and occasionally he'll fall asleep there... but not often.
it is really hard. but we're doing our best and just telling ourselves it's (probably) just a phase. or a growth spurt. or something.
in the meantime, as if i didn't already have my hands full, i decided to ease into cloth diapers. i'm going to write a separate post about that. but suffice to say i think i'm still committed to them, but i think i'm crazy.
on a good note, i am still managing to shower every other day at least, and even though the sleep stuff has been difficult, i am still getting a reasonable amount of sleep every night. i cannot imagine if i had had to go back to work after six weeks like so many women do. i would most definitely NOT be getting enough sleep if that were the case, and i would probably be certifiably insane or drunk most of the time. so i count my blessings that i am able both financially and because of my awesome emplyer to take the extra time off. because this baby stuff is more than a full time job, let me tell you.
it's been a challenging week. i thought, honestly, that the first six weeks were supposed to be the toughest. for us that wasn't the case, except for a couple of bad days/nights mixed in there. but at six and a half weeks, the tide began to turn. it's been both a blessing and a curse in many ways. the baby is so delightful to be around now... when he's happy. the days of him being just a lump of baby are mostly over, except when he's milk-drunk or half asleep. he smiles at us and makes eye contact, he looks at toys and people and reacts to things he hears and sees. we actually feel like he's interacting with us, which is amazing. but on the other hand, all of this excitement complicates his life. a lot. he gets overstimulated if we don't watch out and make sure things are happening at an appropriate speed for him, and he does not like to sleep anymore. both of these things lead to a lot of screaming and crying, by both baby and mama. (daddy seems to be handling things in stride and hasn't even lost his cool yet, which also infuriates mama.)
when we finally figured out (after a couple of tough nights) that he just wasn't getting enough sleep, we thought it would be an easy fix. at his age he should still be getting 14-15 hours of sleep in each 24 hour day. so we decided to put him in bed earlier at night and also to make sure he was napping during the day. both of these solutions are smart, but have been harder than we imagined. we put him to bed earlier, but he mostly screams and still doesn't fall asleep for an hour or more. and he has now started rebelling against every daytime nap strategy i have. going for a walk with him in the carrier used to be a magic trick. now sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in the carrier, he just looks around. at best he'll sleep half the time we're out. and forget sleeping in the stroller. he's done with that. in the house, his little chairs and the sling are shots in the dark at this point. sometimes he'll sleep there. other times he just screams. he is happy if he's being held or sitting in our laps, and occasionally he'll fall asleep there... but not often.
it is really hard. but we're doing our best and just telling ourselves it's (probably) just a phase. or a growth spurt. or something.
in the meantime, as if i didn't already have my hands full, i decided to ease into cloth diapers. i'm going to write a separate post about that. but suffice to say i think i'm still committed to them, but i think i'm crazy.
on a good note, i am still managing to shower every other day at least, and even though the sleep stuff has been difficult, i am still getting a reasonable amount of sleep every night. i cannot imagine if i had had to go back to work after six weeks like so many women do. i would most definitely NOT be getting enough sleep if that were the case, and i would probably be certifiably insane or drunk most of the time. so i count my blessings that i am able both financially and because of my awesome emplyer to take the extra time off. because this baby stuff is more than a full time job, let me tell you.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Gear
now that i am a parent with a whopping five weeks of experience to draw upon, i can reflect on the baby gear that we acquired (and didn't) for this newborn and hopefully offer some insight to other prospective parents. as everyone knows, the baby industrial complex is enormous, and every store and magazine and website would lead you to believe that you need every single item that comes out of baby gear factories in order to be a successful parent. i knew this wasn't true, and i intend to document my findings throughout this process.
STROLLERS
here's my biggest regret so far. i followed the beaten path when it came to strollers and didn't really do any of my own thinking/research. for some reason i trusted the six zillion other parents in my yuppie neighborhood and got what EVERYONE has: a snap & go carseat/stroller system for the newborn, and a regular stroller for when he's six months or so and older. (the city mini, obviously, which is the stroller of choice in our neighborhood.)
so here's the thing: the snap & go system is not made for real stroller usage. i can see if you're a suburbanite and just need something to wheel around target or use on vacation or whatever. but this thing is not cut out for living the city life. the shocks are terrible. it barely makes turns around regular street corners. it SUCKS. i feel like i'm giving my baby a concussion every time i use it. the ONLY advantage i can see to having this system is if you want to be able to carry a sleeping baby in the car seat from car/house to "stroller" to another destination or back home again. this, honestly, is what i envisioned when i registered for it: we'd go out to dinner at a tiny restaurant or over to a friend's house and want to leave the baby in the car seat and fold up the stroller base and put it aside. not only hasn't this happened, i don't see that it ever will. i nearly always use a baby carrier when i take him out right now. it's much easier than dealing with the stroller. when he gets bigger this might change... but by then he will have most likely outgrown the infant car seat and stroller system anyway! i wish we'd just gotten the car seat (required by law and we'll need it for trips/rental cars anyway) and the city mini.
one more tip about that -- people will tell you that in order to use the city mini with an infant who can't hold his head up that you need to buy a $60 adapter that allows you to put the car seat on the city mini like you would on the snap & go frame. my research has shown me that this is also unnecessary (unless you really want to keep the baby in the car seat, like i said before. i do not.). the city mini's seat reclines so far back that you can lay a newborn down inside totally safely. and, if you really want to amp up the support, you can simply buy one of these cozy things for added security. i just ordered that yesterday and we will be switching to the city mini for our stroller needs as soon as i get it in the mail.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we received the Snuzzler and have used it successfully with the citi mini. the babe seems to love being able to see what's happening around him on our walks, and i love that the stroller can actually navigate city streets. we even took it off-roading in the park yesterday.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 the babe is 7.5 months old now and we are still loving the city mini, though personally it's not my transportation mode of choice (i'm really partial to the Ergo carrier... more below). we've folded it up in order to travel by bus/subway only a couple of times, and that is not a lot of fun (nor is it really possible for one person to do without serious annoyance). we will be investing in a lightweight umbrella stroller for this purpose. (possibly the uppa baby g-lite, which is well-reviewed by other moms in my neighborhood.)
CHANGING TABLE
we have a small apartment and didn't want a uni-tasker piece of furniture, so we got a dresser that is the appropriate height for the baby to be changed on top of it. we put the changing pad on top and voila -- changing table. it's perfect. also -- we don't use a cover on the changing pad. ever. what a freakin' silly thing to do unless you're a person who likes doing laundry even more than i do. he pees and poops all over the changing pad every time we change him, so i just put a cloth diaper under him and throw that in the wash when needed. the changing pad is waterproof and wipes clean in two seconds. i wouldn't do it any other way.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i still wouldn't alter our changing table method, but over the past month or so the changing pad has started acquiring some small tears. no big deal, especially since we cover it with prefold diapers for the babe to lay on -- and because they cost all of $15 if we want to replace it -- but i did want to note that.
DIAPER GENIE
didn't get it and glad we didn't. totally unnecessary. we have a small trash can with a foot-operated lid next to the "changing table" and it's perfect.
BABY CARRIERS
as i said above, i am using a baby carrier far more often than a stroller right now. i plan to continue this trend as much as i can, because dealing with strollers seems really annoying... both for the person using it and the people around her. there are a zillion carriers out there and from what i can tell so far it's a personal decision for mom/dad and baby what works well. and who knows -- it may change as baby gets bigger.
- i am obsessed with my ergo. there is an infant insert that you can buy to use the ergo with a newborn, but i read reviews online and didn't buy it and i'm glad i didn't. seems totally unnecessary to me. instead, i just bundle the baby up in a blanket and stick him inside, and it works perfectly. now, if you have a smaller baby this might not be as effective. but with my big boy who can sort of already hold his head up, it's just fine.
- i also inherited a new native baby sling, which is also great. i mostly use this around the house. i took him out in it once and -- it might be a coincidence -- he got super fussy after a couple hours. i think the position he was in might not be super comfy for long. but inside i've manipulated him in a bunch of different positions and he seems to like it.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 i'm a bit confused about the sizing of the new native sling. as the baby gets bigger, he just seems totally cramped in there. so i bought a different kind of sling, a "ring sling," because i was enjoying that option especially in the house and people talked about liking the ring variety. the maya wrap is the most popular, but is stupid expensive, so i bought the lite on shoulder sling instead. so far i've had a tough time figuring out how to manipulate it, but there are a lot of videos online that i am perusing in my spare time (ha) and i am hopeful that this will be another carrier in our rotation. he has slept in it several times when i've been doing dishes or eating dinner or something, which is lovely. (he has also screamed and totally freaked out other times i've attempted to put him in it. so.)
- i have tried mostly unsuccessfully to use the moby wrap, which i also got from a friend. i want to use it and love it, i really do. we'll see if that happens.
- we were given a baby bjorn that we've never even tried to use. seems way too complicated to me.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we are primarily an Ergo family. nothing else has really worked for us, but we love the Ergo so much. we used it exclusively on a ten day trip to paris. i can't say enough good about it. i've done a lot of reading about the benefits of having the baby facing your body rather than facing outwards -- which was a big reason i wanted a different kind of carrier for awhile -- and it makes sense to me to stick with the Ergo.
CHAIRS/SWINGS
we didn't register for anything in this category because of our small apartment problem. i figured if we ended up with a baby who seemed to need something of this nature that we'd worry about it then. a friend gave me a bumbo seat, which can't be used until he can hold his head up, so i'll update on that at a later date. but she also gave us a vibrating rocking chair, similar to this. THAT has been a godsend and i'm actually not sure what i thought we'd be doing with the baby all the time when i imagined not having anything like this around. we don't use the vibrating feature. in fact, it doesn't even have batteries in it for that or the sound. but he sits in it, and we rock him, and sometimes he falls asleep in it and other times he just chills out and looks around. it's great. i love it. when he gets bigger he can rock it himself (he does that accidentally sometimes right now and it's pretty funny), and it can also be converted to different reclining angles and to a non-rocking chair by adjusting the legs. so glad we have this. highly recommended.
we don't have a swing. he would probably like one, but he's doing just fine without it.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i would like to state again how incredibly dumb i was to think we didn't need a little chair/rocker for the babe. we have since purchased a new infant-to-toddler rocker so we could take the older one to my parents' house and have the new one at home. as he's getting bigger it's even more useful to have a spot for him to chill out. we need to buckle him in now so he doesn't topple out (we never did when he was smaller) but he loves his little chair, and it should fit him until he's a toddler when he can sit in it like a normal chair and put his feet on the floor. LOVE it.
EXERSAUCERS, ETC.
we didn't register for anything like this and i wasn't sure what, if anything, along these lines we would get. when the babe was around four months old i knew we needed something other than the little chair (see above) because he needed to be able to sit up and use his legs. after a ton of research, i chose the fisher price step & play piano because a) it's musical, which i love; and b) it's convertible as they get older. before the baby can stand or walk, there's a little seat for him to sit in, spin around in, and play with the toys. then you can take the seat out so he can practice standing and, eventually, walking. toddlers can (and do) still play with it because it's accessible once you're walking (i've seen this with little visitors to our house). the babe LOVES it and i know we'll get lots more use out of it.
however, the one disadvantage to this over other exersaucers is the lack of a jumper feature. i didn't realize how much he wanted to jump until we took him to a friend's house and he spent a good half an hour wide-eyed, laughing and jumping in their little exersaucer/jumper. so when he was about six months old we ordered this graco doorway jumper. he really, really, really loves jumping, and i've seen such a difference in the strength and stability in his legs since we got it. so all in all, right now (he's 7 months old) we have three "stations" that he spends time in: his little rocker/chair, his musical chair, and his jumper. all three offer different advantages and the combination gives him varied positions and experiences throughout the day. now that he's sitting up on his own, we also just plop him on the floor on a blanket and give him some toys, which works. or he sits on the couch with us... though that will change whenever he starts crawling.
BASSINET
we got the arm's reach co-sleeper bassinet, which is another one of those things that everyone in this city seems to have gotten. we bought it used for half the price, which was key since you only use it for a few months. it's working out spectacularly for us. he sleeps in it every night and i love that it attaches to the bed and that he's sleeping right next to me without actually being in the bed. i know people who never used it... not sure what they did instead. this thing rocks.
SWADDLES
i have swaddled other babies using regular swaddling blankets. we got a few of them. but what we've actually been using for this seemingly exceptionally squirmy and strong baby of ours are the velcro variety. Summer Infant and Kiddopotamus both make good ones. i got a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from friends and didn't think i'd use them, but it's all we use and we use them EVERY night. it's the only way he'll sleep in the bassinet. fantastic invention, let me tell you. we also have some sleep sacks, but haven't used those yet.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we've now used the sleep sack a couple of times, mostly because he has been busting out of the small size velcro swaddle and isn't big enough yet for the next size up. however, the sleep sack is also a bit large (small size fits 3-6 months; he wears some 3mo size but not all) and this is actually a serious safety hazard, i learned. because it's two separate pieces (the sack and the wrap that swaddles his arms) when he wiggles his arms enough, he can push the wrap up and over his face. i woke up hearing him fussing and turned in horror to see that his entire face was covered by the fabric! obviously he did not suffocate and it wasn't tight enough to do so, probably, but it was enough for me not to put this back on him until i'm sure it really fits. or never again, possibly.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we stopped swaddling the babe when he was around three months old. it seemed to be frustrating him more than it was helping at that point and he's been fine ever since.
PACIFIERS
i don't believe in forcing every baby to use a pacifier, but i knew that some babies are really comforted by them. i bought a few different kinds because i read that different babies have different preferences, and the only one he will use right now is the phillips avent "soothie." some days he loves it, other days he wants nothing to do with it. i'm glad we have it on hand as a trick up our sleeve.
UPDATE: he's now mostly using the same type of pacifier, but one that's attached to a stuffed animal; this one, in particular. i thought it was just a cute gimmick but the weight of the animal actually helps keep it in his mouth, especially when he's laying on his back in his bassinet. he has also started to try to grab the stuffed animal to hold it in his mouth himself, which isn't totally successful yet but shows initiative.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 before he was four months old, pacifier use was inconsistent. sometimes it calmed him down, sometimes not. it wasn't an every day thing and i actually thought it wouldn't become part of our regular routine. but when i went back to work, our nanny used it as a sleep strategy and it has worked wonders in getting the babe into a nap and nighttime sleep routine. that's the only time he uses a pacifier -- i don't want it to become a habit outside of sleep and it helps for him to associate it with sleepytime. sometimes he falls asleep quickly without it, but a lot of the time we pop it into his mouth, he sucks for a few minutes, falls asleep, and it falls out. the end. oh, and the animal pacifier became more annoying once he really started paying attention to (and getting distracted by) everything -- around five months.
BURP CLOTHS
i am of the opinion that you cannot have too many burp cloths with a baby around, particularly if you are breastfeeding. i like to have at least one in every room of the house, plus many extras to replace those when they get nasty (which happens multiple times per day). i have a few different kinds but recently go these aden & anais "burpy bibs" given to me and they are phenomenal. i want to replace all my other ones with these. they are exactly the right size, shape, material, and weight to just throw over your shoulder or tuck into the front of your top when nursing without any hassle. plus they have little snaps on the edges so you can use them for full wrap-around bibs. they are genius. i can't say enough about them. they might be my favorite baby thing of all. well, other than the baby.
that's all the gear we're using right now. i will update this post over time as i glean any other knowledge about the myriad things we have filling up the baby's room...
STROLLERS
here's my biggest regret so far. i followed the beaten path when it came to strollers and didn't really do any of my own thinking/research. for some reason i trusted the six zillion other parents in my yuppie neighborhood and got what EVERYONE has: a snap & go carseat/stroller system for the newborn, and a regular stroller for when he's six months or so and older. (the city mini, obviously, which is the stroller of choice in our neighborhood.)
so here's the thing: the snap & go system is not made for real stroller usage. i can see if you're a suburbanite and just need something to wheel around target or use on vacation or whatever. but this thing is not cut out for living the city life. the shocks are terrible. it barely makes turns around regular street corners. it SUCKS. i feel like i'm giving my baby a concussion every time i use it. the ONLY advantage i can see to having this system is if you want to be able to carry a sleeping baby in the car seat from car/house to "stroller" to another destination or back home again. this, honestly, is what i envisioned when i registered for it: we'd go out to dinner at a tiny restaurant or over to a friend's house and want to leave the baby in the car seat and fold up the stroller base and put it aside. not only hasn't this happened, i don't see that it ever will. i nearly always use a baby carrier when i take him out right now. it's much easier than dealing with the stroller. when he gets bigger this might change... but by then he will have most likely outgrown the infant car seat and stroller system anyway! i wish we'd just gotten the car seat (required by law and we'll need it for trips/rental cars anyway) and the city mini.
one more tip about that -- people will tell you that in order to use the city mini with an infant who can't hold his head up that you need to buy a $60 adapter that allows you to put the car seat on the city mini like you would on the snap & go frame. my research has shown me that this is also unnecessary (unless you really want to keep the baby in the car seat, like i said before. i do not.). the city mini's seat reclines so far back that you can lay a newborn down inside totally safely. and, if you really want to amp up the support, you can simply buy one of these cozy things for added security. i just ordered that yesterday and we will be switching to the city mini for our stroller needs as soon as i get it in the mail.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we received the Snuzzler and have used it successfully with the citi mini. the babe seems to love being able to see what's happening around him on our walks, and i love that the stroller can actually navigate city streets. we even took it off-roading in the park yesterday.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 the babe is 7.5 months old now and we are still loving the city mini, though personally it's not my transportation mode of choice (i'm really partial to the Ergo carrier... more below). we've folded it up in order to travel by bus/subway only a couple of times, and that is not a lot of fun (nor is it really possible for one person to do without serious annoyance). we will be investing in a lightweight umbrella stroller for this purpose. (possibly the uppa baby g-lite, which is well-reviewed by other moms in my neighborhood.)
CHANGING TABLE
we have a small apartment and didn't want a uni-tasker piece of furniture, so we got a dresser that is the appropriate height for the baby to be changed on top of it. we put the changing pad on top and voila -- changing table. it's perfect. also -- we don't use a cover on the changing pad. ever. what a freakin' silly thing to do unless you're a person who likes doing laundry even more than i do. he pees and poops all over the changing pad every time we change him, so i just put a cloth diaper under him and throw that in the wash when needed. the changing pad is waterproof and wipes clean in two seconds. i wouldn't do it any other way.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i still wouldn't alter our changing table method, but over the past month or so the changing pad has started acquiring some small tears. no big deal, especially since we cover it with prefold diapers for the babe to lay on -- and because they cost all of $15 if we want to replace it -- but i did want to note that.
DIAPER GENIE
didn't get it and glad we didn't. totally unnecessary. we have a small trash can with a foot-operated lid next to the "changing table" and it's perfect.
BABY CARRIERS
as i said above, i am using a baby carrier far more often than a stroller right now. i plan to continue this trend as much as i can, because dealing with strollers seems really annoying... both for the person using it and the people around her. there are a zillion carriers out there and from what i can tell so far it's a personal decision for mom/dad and baby what works well. and who knows -- it may change as baby gets bigger.
- i am obsessed with my ergo. there is an infant insert that you can buy to use the ergo with a newborn, but i read reviews online and didn't buy it and i'm glad i didn't. seems totally unnecessary to me. instead, i just bundle the baby up in a blanket and stick him inside, and it works perfectly. now, if you have a smaller baby this might not be as effective. but with my big boy who can sort of already hold his head up, it's just fine.
- i also inherited a new native baby sling, which is also great. i mostly use this around the house. i took him out in it once and -- it might be a coincidence -- he got super fussy after a couple hours. i think the position he was in might not be super comfy for long. but inside i've manipulated him in a bunch of different positions and he seems to like it.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 i'm a bit confused about the sizing of the new native sling. as the baby gets bigger, he just seems totally cramped in there. so i bought a different kind of sling, a "ring sling," because i was enjoying that option especially in the house and people talked about liking the ring variety. the maya wrap is the most popular, but is stupid expensive, so i bought the lite on shoulder sling instead. so far i've had a tough time figuring out how to manipulate it, but there are a lot of videos online that i am perusing in my spare time (ha) and i am hopeful that this will be another carrier in our rotation. he has slept in it several times when i've been doing dishes or eating dinner or something, which is lovely. (he has also screamed and totally freaked out other times i've attempted to put him in it. so.)
- i have tried mostly unsuccessfully to use the moby wrap, which i also got from a friend. i want to use it and love it, i really do. we'll see if that happens.
- we were given a baby bjorn that we've never even tried to use. seems way too complicated to me.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we are primarily an Ergo family. nothing else has really worked for us, but we love the Ergo so much. we used it exclusively on a ten day trip to paris. i can't say enough good about it. i've done a lot of reading about the benefits of having the baby facing your body rather than facing outwards -- which was a big reason i wanted a different kind of carrier for awhile -- and it makes sense to me to stick with the Ergo.
CHAIRS/SWINGS
we didn't register for anything in this category because of our small apartment problem. i figured if we ended up with a baby who seemed to need something of this nature that we'd worry about it then. a friend gave me a bumbo seat, which can't be used until he can hold his head up, so i'll update on that at a later date. but she also gave us a vibrating rocking chair, similar to this. THAT has been a godsend and i'm actually not sure what i thought we'd be doing with the baby all the time when i imagined not having anything like this around. we don't use the vibrating feature. in fact, it doesn't even have batteries in it for that or the sound. but he sits in it, and we rock him, and sometimes he falls asleep in it and other times he just chills out and looks around. it's great. i love it. when he gets bigger he can rock it himself (he does that accidentally sometimes right now and it's pretty funny), and it can also be converted to different reclining angles and to a non-rocking chair by adjusting the legs. so glad we have this. highly recommended.
we don't have a swing. he would probably like one, but he's doing just fine without it.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i would like to state again how incredibly dumb i was to think we didn't need a little chair/rocker for the babe. we have since purchased a new infant-to-toddler rocker so we could take the older one to my parents' house and have the new one at home. as he's getting bigger it's even more useful to have a spot for him to chill out. we need to buckle him in now so he doesn't topple out (we never did when he was smaller) but he loves his little chair, and it should fit him until he's a toddler when he can sit in it like a normal chair and put his feet on the floor. LOVE it.
EXERSAUCERS, ETC.
we didn't register for anything like this and i wasn't sure what, if anything, along these lines we would get. when the babe was around four months old i knew we needed something other than the little chair (see above) because he needed to be able to sit up and use his legs. after a ton of research, i chose the fisher price step & play piano because a) it's musical, which i love; and b) it's convertible as they get older. before the baby can stand or walk, there's a little seat for him to sit in, spin around in, and play with the toys. then you can take the seat out so he can practice standing and, eventually, walking. toddlers can (and do) still play with it because it's accessible once you're walking (i've seen this with little visitors to our house). the babe LOVES it and i know we'll get lots more use out of it.
however, the one disadvantage to this over other exersaucers is the lack of a jumper feature. i didn't realize how much he wanted to jump until we took him to a friend's house and he spent a good half an hour wide-eyed, laughing and jumping in their little exersaucer/jumper. so when he was about six months old we ordered this graco doorway jumper. he really, really, really loves jumping, and i've seen such a difference in the strength and stability in his legs since we got it. so all in all, right now (he's 7 months old) we have three "stations" that he spends time in: his little rocker/chair, his musical chair, and his jumper. all three offer different advantages and the combination gives him varied positions and experiences throughout the day. now that he's sitting up on his own, we also just plop him on the floor on a blanket and give him some toys, which works. or he sits on the couch with us... though that will change whenever he starts crawling.
BASSINET
we got the arm's reach co-sleeper bassinet, which is another one of those things that everyone in this city seems to have gotten. we bought it used for half the price, which was key since you only use it for a few months. it's working out spectacularly for us. he sleeps in it every night and i love that it attaches to the bed and that he's sleeping right next to me without actually being in the bed. i know people who never used it... not sure what they did instead. this thing rocks.
SWADDLES
i have swaddled other babies using regular swaddling blankets. we got a few of them. but what we've actually been using for this seemingly exceptionally squirmy and strong baby of ours are the velcro variety. Summer Infant and Kiddopotamus both make good ones. i got a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from friends and didn't think i'd use them, but it's all we use and we use them EVERY night. it's the only way he'll sleep in the bassinet. fantastic invention, let me tell you. we also have some sleep sacks, but haven't used those yet.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we've now used the sleep sack a couple of times, mostly because he has been busting out of the small size velcro swaddle and isn't big enough yet for the next size up. however, the sleep sack is also a bit large (small size fits 3-6 months; he wears some 3mo size but not all) and this is actually a serious safety hazard, i learned. because it's two separate pieces (the sack and the wrap that swaddles his arms) when he wiggles his arms enough, he can push the wrap up and over his face. i woke up hearing him fussing and turned in horror to see that his entire face was covered by the fabric! obviously he did not suffocate and it wasn't tight enough to do so, probably, but it was enough for me not to put this back on him until i'm sure it really fits. or never again, possibly.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we stopped swaddling the babe when he was around three months old. it seemed to be frustrating him more than it was helping at that point and he's been fine ever since.
PACIFIERS
i don't believe in forcing every baby to use a pacifier, but i knew that some babies are really comforted by them. i bought a few different kinds because i read that different babies have different preferences, and the only one he will use right now is the phillips avent "soothie." some days he loves it, other days he wants nothing to do with it. i'm glad we have it on hand as a trick up our sleeve.
UPDATE: he's now mostly using the same type of pacifier, but one that's attached to a stuffed animal; this one, in particular. i thought it was just a cute gimmick but the weight of the animal actually helps keep it in his mouth, especially when he's laying on his back in his bassinet. he has also started to try to grab the stuffed animal to hold it in his mouth himself, which isn't totally successful yet but shows initiative.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 before he was four months old, pacifier use was inconsistent. sometimes it calmed him down, sometimes not. it wasn't an every day thing and i actually thought it wouldn't become part of our regular routine. but when i went back to work, our nanny used it as a sleep strategy and it has worked wonders in getting the babe into a nap and nighttime sleep routine. that's the only time he uses a pacifier -- i don't want it to become a habit outside of sleep and it helps for him to associate it with sleepytime. sometimes he falls asleep quickly without it, but a lot of the time we pop it into his mouth, he sucks for a few minutes, falls asleep, and it falls out. the end. oh, and the animal pacifier became more annoying once he really started paying attention to (and getting distracted by) everything -- around five months.
BURP CLOTHS
i am of the opinion that you cannot have too many burp cloths with a baby around, particularly if you are breastfeeding. i like to have at least one in every room of the house, plus many extras to replace those when they get nasty (which happens multiple times per day). i have a few different kinds but recently go these aden & anais "burpy bibs" given to me and they are phenomenal. i want to replace all my other ones with these. they are exactly the right size, shape, material, and weight to just throw over your shoulder or tuck into the front of your top when nursing without any hassle. plus they have little snaps on the edges so you can use them for full wrap-around bibs. they are genius. i can't say enough about them. they might be my favorite baby thing of all. well, other than the baby.
that's all the gear we're using right now. i will update this post over time as i glean any other knowledge about the myriad things we have filling up the baby's room...
Five weeks and two days old
it's thanksgiving week and i am thankful most of all for my son. but these days i am also thankful for little things like being able to sit at the computer and type while he's quiet and (possibly?) sleeping strapped to my chest in the sling. i don't know how long this will last. this is the edge-of-my-seat thrilling nature of the life of the parent of a five week old. but while it lasts, i will try to document the past week or so.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Parenthood: the first four weeks
it's funny to me now that i planned to write a weekly post. perhaps at some point i'll get to that stage in my functionality, but by then weekly posts probably won't be that interesting or necessary. right now i'm pretty pleased that i'm finding the time and energy to write about this first almost month (!!!) since the baby arrived... and i can't decide if that elapsed time feels like much longer or much shorter. or both, somehow.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
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