it has been two months since my baby was born (ten weeks today, actually) and the biggest lesson i have learned so far is not to get used to anything. good or bad. this is both intimidating and exhilarating, depending on the day. for example, our first few weeks of effortless sleep seem to have been a fleeting thing, which sucks. however, the baby refusing to sleep during the day and making himself crazy out of overtiredness at night was also a passing phase. so now i am trying to go with the flow and take things -- literally -- one day and one night at a time. because chances are the next one will be different. i'm not sure how long this complete lack of consistency lasts... but i'm trying not to worry about that now, either.
it was sleep, though, that led me to this grand understanding in the first place. after a battle for a couple of weeks to try to get the baby to go to sleep earlier, i have finally given up. since he was born he's been sleeping roughly from 11pm until 10am (waking up to nurse, of course). we were letting him fall asleep whenever, mostly in the living room as we were watching TV, and putting him in the bassinet whenever we went to bed. he slept very well and i wasn't worried about it in the least. then i started reading about sleep and listening to professional advice. i'm not saying you shouldn't ever listen to other people's theories about babies, but i did not realize at that point that you really need to take it all as recommendations based on SOME babies, SOME families, and SOME beliefs... none of which are necessarily applicable to your own baby.
after reading and listening too much and doubting myself, i got concerned that he was awake so late, since some experts insist that babies are wired to go to sleep around 7pm! "they" also say that babies need a bedtime routine: an hour of quiet, calm before sleeping, etc., in order to sleep soundly. some people insist that even at this baby's young age, the routines we were getting him into (which, remember, are reportedly terrible) would stick and be difficult to fix later on. so we tried -- horribly unsuccessfully -- to implement a routine and adjust his schedule for a week or so and i ended up crying and convincing myself that he was now a terrible sleeper and we were in for months of frustration. when he screamed and wouldn't sleep in the bassinet i ended up bringing him into our bed and nursing him to sleep, which -- according to experts -- was the absolute worst thing i could do to establish a sleep routine.
but when i finally took a step back, i realized that he was still falling asleep at the same time he had always been. he just screamed and cried when i tried to make him "go to bed" earlier than that. eventually, by 11pm, nearly every night he was sound asleep. and even without a routine and with going to bed so late, he was still sleeping well and i had no concerns about him being rested during the day. what we had been doing before was working, and wanting to make all these changes was just me not trusting my instincts. my pediatrician had freaked me out about forming habits that we'd have to fix later, even though my understanding and belief has always been that you can't really institute any habits or routines before babies are four months old. so i've let all of the worry go for now. he does often get fussy in the evenings before he falls asleep, and i realize that he is probably tired but doesn't want to go to sleep. however, i'm still not going to force him to go to sleep before he's ready... because i've seen that it just doesn't work. he'll sleep when he's ready. and he does! perfectly happily and soundly in his bassinet. he's also gotten much better about napping during the day, which helps his night sleep, too. this is an area that i've had to be more proactive about: i need to insure that he has the opportunity to nap and that i enforce it. but when i do, he does. pretty much without fail.
so right now the baby is quite lovely to be around most of the time. which is pretty awesome. everything would be perfect if he would just freakin' take a bottle. this is my current battle. and it IS one that i need to work on, because unlike some moms i need to go back to work. i also would like to be able to go out and leave him with a babysitter once in awhile, without it turning into the complete disaster we experienced two weeks ago when we had to go to a wedding and left him with my good friend. he refused to take a bottle and screamed for two hours, totally stressing out my friend and upsetting me so much i had a very difficult time enjoying myself at the wedding and not immediately coming home to the Boob Rescue.
he was taking a bottle a few weeks ago, but like i said... everything changes. for some reason the past few weeks he is not a fan. i've done some research and it turns out that some babies are extraordinarily picky about their bottles and, mostly, nipples. i watch him when the hubby is trying to get him to take a bottle, and i can see that he's trying to latch on like he does on the breast, and it just doesn't work with a lot of bottle nipple designs. so we are now embarking upon an experimentation process that will hopefully lead us to the magic cure-all for his hatred of bottle feeding. i will update when there's progress, but this is where we're at so far:
Philips Avent - these are the bottles i registered for after a ton of research. now i have a bunch of both the small and large sizes, and my baby seems to hate them.
Lansinoh Momma - i got one of these for free with something else i bought and tried it on a whim when he wouldn't take the Avent bottle. this was actually the bottle that he did take for a couple of weeks. now he seems to hate it, but i will keep trying just in case he changes his mind.
Tommee Tippee - i just ordered these. the word around our neighborhood is that these are the best for babies who go back and forth between breast and bottle.
Playex drop ins - i also just ordered these. they go on those old school bottles with the liners that you drop in already filled with milk. i swear they're what babies in the 70s and 80s used, but apparently they're still considered good -- especially for transitioning babies from breast to bottle.
mimijumi - i also just ordered these after reading some online reviews. as you can see, they really look like a breast, and the nipple is supposed to be very soft as well.
one baby mission at a time seems to be enough, right? so we'll work on this, and we'll worry about the other stuff later. if it's even still around to be worried about and hasn't completely changed by then...
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
seven weeks: smiles, sleep struggles, and saying goodbye to huggies (mostly)
at our two week visit to the pediatrician, she drew us a little timeline to show us the trajectory of the first 8 weeks. i remember that arrow arcing upwards towards the happy face at 8 weeks. i am thinking a lot about that arrow and that happy face lately and really hoping that she was right.
it's been a challenging week. i thought, honestly, that the first six weeks were supposed to be the toughest. for us that wasn't the case, except for a couple of bad days/nights mixed in there. but at six and a half weeks, the tide began to turn. it's been both a blessing and a curse in many ways. the baby is so delightful to be around now... when he's happy. the days of him being just a lump of baby are mostly over, except when he's milk-drunk or half asleep. he smiles at us and makes eye contact, he looks at toys and people and reacts to things he hears and sees. we actually feel like he's interacting with us, which is amazing. but on the other hand, all of this excitement complicates his life. a lot. he gets overstimulated if we don't watch out and make sure things are happening at an appropriate speed for him, and he does not like to sleep anymore. both of these things lead to a lot of screaming and crying, by both baby and mama. (daddy seems to be handling things in stride and hasn't even lost his cool yet, which also infuriates mama.)
when we finally figured out (after a couple of tough nights) that he just wasn't getting enough sleep, we thought it would be an easy fix. at his age he should still be getting 14-15 hours of sleep in each 24 hour day. so we decided to put him in bed earlier at night and also to make sure he was napping during the day. both of these solutions are smart, but have been harder than we imagined. we put him to bed earlier, but he mostly screams and still doesn't fall asleep for an hour or more. and he has now started rebelling against every daytime nap strategy i have. going for a walk with him in the carrier used to be a magic trick. now sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in the carrier, he just looks around. at best he'll sleep half the time we're out. and forget sleeping in the stroller. he's done with that. in the house, his little chairs and the sling are shots in the dark at this point. sometimes he'll sleep there. other times he just screams. he is happy if he's being held or sitting in our laps, and occasionally he'll fall asleep there... but not often.
it is really hard. but we're doing our best and just telling ourselves it's (probably) just a phase. or a growth spurt. or something.
in the meantime, as if i didn't already have my hands full, i decided to ease into cloth diapers. i'm going to write a separate post about that. but suffice to say i think i'm still committed to them, but i think i'm crazy.
on a good note, i am still managing to shower every other day at least, and even though the sleep stuff has been difficult, i am still getting a reasonable amount of sleep every night. i cannot imagine if i had had to go back to work after six weeks like so many women do. i would most definitely NOT be getting enough sleep if that were the case, and i would probably be certifiably insane or drunk most of the time. so i count my blessings that i am able both financially and because of my awesome emplyer to take the extra time off. because this baby stuff is more than a full time job, let me tell you.
it's been a challenging week. i thought, honestly, that the first six weeks were supposed to be the toughest. for us that wasn't the case, except for a couple of bad days/nights mixed in there. but at six and a half weeks, the tide began to turn. it's been both a blessing and a curse in many ways. the baby is so delightful to be around now... when he's happy. the days of him being just a lump of baby are mostly over, except when he's milk-drunk or half asleep. he smiles at us and makes eye contact, he looks at toys and people and reacts to things he hears and sees. we actually feel like he's interacting with us, which is amazing. but on the other hand, all of this excitement complicates his life. a lot. he gets overstimulated if we don't watch out and make sure things are happening at an appropriate speed for him, and he does not like to sleep anymore. both of these things lead to a lot of screaming and crying, by both baby and mama. (daddy seems to be handling things in stride and hasn't even lost his cool yet, which also infuriates mama.)
when we finally figured out (after a couple of tough nights) that he just wasn't getting enough sleep, we thought it would be an easy fix. at his age he should still be getting 14-15 hours of sleep in each 24 hour day. so we decided to put him in bed earlier at night and also to make sure he was napping during the day. both of these solutions are smart, but have been harder than we imagined. we put him to bed earlier, but he mostly screams and still doesn't fall asleep for an hour or more. and he has now started rebelling against every daytime nap strategy i have. going for a walk with him in the carrier used to be a magic trick. now sometimes he doesn't sleep at all in the carrier, he just looks around. at best he'll sleep half the time we're out. and forget sleeping in the stroller. he's done with that. in the house, his little chairs and the sling are shots in the dark at this point. sometimes he'll sleep there. other times he just screams. he is happy if he's being held or sitting in our laps, and occasionally he'll fall asleep there... but not often.
it is really hard. but we're doing our best and just telling ourselves it's (probably) just a phase. or a growth spurt. or something.
in the meantime, as if i didn't already have my hands full, i decided to ease into cloth diapers. i'm going to write a separate post about that. but suffice to say i think i'm still committed to them, but i think i'm crazy.
on a good note, i am still managing to shower every other day at least, and even though the sleep stuff has been difficult, i am still getting a reasonable amount of sleep every night. i cannot imagine if i had had to go back to work after six weeks like so many women do. i would most definitely NOT be getting enough sleep if that were the case, and i would probably be certifiably insane or drunk most of the time. so i count my blessings that i am able both financially and because of my awesome emplyer to take the extra time off. because this baby stuff is more than a full time job, let me tell you.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Gear
now that i am a parent with a whopping five weeks of experience to draw upon, i can reflect on the baby gear that we acquired (and didn't) for this newborn and hopefully offer some insight to other prospective parents. as everyone knows, the baby industrial complex is enormous, and every store and magazine and website would lead you to believe that you need every single item that comes out of baby gear factories in order to be a successful parent. i knew this wasn't true, and i intend to document my findings throughout this process.
STROLLERS
here's my biggest regret so far. i followed the beaten path when it came to strollers and didn't really do any of my own thinking/research. for some reason i trusted the six zillion other parents in my yuppie neighborhood and got what EVERYONE has: a snap & go carseat/stroller system for the newborn, and a regular stroller for when he's six months or so and older. (the city mini, obviously, which is the stroller of choice in our neighborhood.)
so here's the thing: the snap & go system is not made for real stroller usage. i can see if you're a suburbanite and just need something to wheel around target or use on vacation or whatever. but this thing is not cut out for living the city life. the shocks are terrible. it barely makes turns around regular street corners. it SUCKS. i feel like i'm giving my baby a concussion every time i use it. the ONLY advantage i can see to having this system is if you want to be able to carry a sleeping baby in the car seat from car/house to "stroller" to another destination or back home again. this, honestly, is what i envisioned when i registered for it: we'd go out to dinner at a tiny restaurant or over to a friend's house and want to leave the baby in the car seat and fold up the stroller base and put it aside. not only hasn't this happened, i don't see that it ever will. i nearly always use a baby carrier when i take him out right now. it's much easier than dealing with the stroller. when he gets bigger this might change... but by then he will have most likely outgrown the infant car seat and stroller system anyway! i wish we'd just gotten the car seat (required by law and we'll need it for trips/rental cars anyway) and the city mini.
one more tip about that -- people will tell you that in order to use the city mini with an infant who can't hold his head up that you need to buy a $60 adapter that allows you to put the car seat on the city mini like you would on the snap & go frame. my research has shown me that this is also unnecessary (unless you really want to keep the baby in the car seat, like i said before. i do not.). the city mini's seat reclines so far back that you can lay a newborn down inside totally safely. and, if you really want to amp up the support, you can simply buy one of these cozy things for added security. i just ordered that yesterday and we will be switching to the city mini for our stroller needs as soon as i get it in the mail.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we received the Snuzzler and have used it successfully with the citi mini. the babe seems to love being able to see what's happening around him on our walks, and i love that the stroller can actually navigate city streets. we even took it off-roading in the park yesterday.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 the babe is 7.5 months old now and we are still loving the city mini, though personally it's not my transportation mode of choice (i'm really partial to the Ergo carrier... more below). we've folded it up in order to travel by bus/subway only a couple of times, and that is not a lot of fun (nor is it really possible for one person to do without serious annoyance). we will be investing in a lightweight umbrella stroller for this purpose. (possibly the uppa baby g-lite, which is well-reviewed by other moms in my neighborhood.)
CHANGING TABLE
we have a small apartment and didn't want a uni-tasker piece of furniture, so we got a dresser that is the appropriate height for the baby to be changed on top of it. we put the changing pad on top and voila -- changing table. it's perfect. also -- we don't use a cover on the changing pad. ever. what a freakin' silly thing to do unless you're a person who likes doing laundry even more than i do. he pees and poops all over the changing pad every time we change him, so i just put a cloth diaper under him and throw that in the wash when needed. the changing pad is waterproof and wipes clean in two seconds. i wouldn't do it any other way.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i still wouldn't alter our changing table method, but over the past month or so the changing pad has started acquiring some small tears. no big deal, especially since we cover it with prefold diapers for the babe to lay on -- and because they cost all of $15 if we want to replace it -- but i did want to note that.
DIAPER GENIE
didn't get it and glad we didn't. totally unnecessary. we have a small trash can with a foot-operated lid next to the "changing table" and it's perfect.
BABY CARRIERS
as i said above, i am using a baby carrier far more often than a stroller right now. i plan to continue this trend as much as i can, because dealing with strollers seems really annoying... both for the person using it and the people around her. there are a zillion carriers out there and from what i can tell so far it's a personal decision for mom/dad and baby what works well. and who knows -- it may change as baby gets bigger.
- i am obsessed with my ergo. there is an infant insert that you can buy to use the ergo with a newborn, but i read reviews online and didn't buy it and i'm glad i didn't. seems totally unnecessary to me. instead, i just bundle the baby up in a blanket and stick him inside, and it works perfectly. now, if you have a smaller baby this might not be as effective. but with my big boy who can sort of already hold his head up, it's just fine.
- i also inherited a new native baby sling, which is also great. i mostly use this around the house. i took him out in it once and -- it might be a coincidence -- he got super fussy after a couple hours. i think the position he was in might not be super comfy for long. but inside i've manipulated him in a bunch of different positions and he seems to like it.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 i'm a bit confused about the sizing of the new native sling. as the baby gets bigger, he just seems totally cramped in there. so i bought a different kind of sling, a "ring sling," because i was enjoying that option especially in the house and people talked about liking the ring variety. the maya wrap is the most popular, but is stupid expensive, so i bought the lite on shoulder sling instead. so far i've had a tough time figuring out how to manipulate it, but there are a lot of videos online that i am perusing in my spare time (ha) and i am hopeful that this will be another carrier in our rotation. he has slept in it several times when i've been doing dishes or eating dinner or something, which is lovely. (he has also screamed and totally freaked out other times i've attempted to put him in it. so.)
- i have tried mostly unsuccessfully to use the moby wrap, which i also got from a friend. i want to use it and love it, i really do. we'll see if that happens.
- we were given a baby bjorn that we've never even tried to use. seems way too complicated to me.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we are primarily an Ergo family. nothing else has really worked for us, but we love the Ergo so much. we used it exclusively on a ten day trip to paris. i can't say enough good about it. i've done a lot of reading about the benefits of having the baby facing your body rather than facing outwards -- which was a big reason i wanted a different kind of carrier for awhile -- and it makes sense to me to stick with the Ergo.
CHAIRS/SWINGS
we didn't register for anything in this category because of our small apartment problem. i figured if we ended up with a baby who seemed to need something of this nature that we'd worry about it then. a friend gave me a bumbo seat, which can't be used until he can hold his head up, so i'll update on that at a later date. but she also gave us a vibrating rocking chair, similar to this. THAT has been a godsend and i'm actually not sure what i thought we'd be doing with the baby all the time when i imagined not having anything like this around. we don't use the vibrating feature. in fact, it doesn't even have batteries in it for that or the sound. but he sits in it, and we rock him, and sometimes he falls asleep in it and other times he just chills out and looks around. it's great. i love it. when he gets bigger he can rock it himself (he does that accidentally sometimes right now and it's pretty funny), and it can also be converted to different reclining angles and to a non-rocking chair by adjusting the legs. so glad we have this. highly recommended.
we don't have a swing. he would probably like one, but he's doing just fine without it.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i would like to state again how incredibly dumb i was to think we didn't need a little chair/rocker for the babe. we have since purchased a new infant-to-toddler rocker so we could take the older one to my parents' house and have the new one at home. as he's getting bigger it's even more useful to have a spot for him to chill out. we need to buckle him in now so he doesn't topple out (we never did when he was smaller) but he loves his little chair, and it should fit him until he's a toddler when he can sit in it like a normal chair and put his feet on the floor. LOVE it.
EXERSAUCERS, ETC.
we didn't register for anything like this and i wasn't sure what, if anything, along these lines we would get. when the babe was around four months old i knew we needed something other than the little chair (see above) because he needed to be able to sit up and use his legs. after a ton of research, i chose the fisher price step & play piano because a) it's musical, which i love; and b) it's convertible as they get older. before the baby can stand or walk, there's a little seat for him to sit in, spin around in, and play with the toys. then you can take the seat out so he can practice standing and, eventually, walking. toddlers can (and do) still play with it because it's accessible once you're walking (i've seen this with little visitors to our house). the babe LOVES it and i know we'll get lots more use out of it.
however, the one disadvantage to this over other exersaucers is the lack of a jumper feature. i didn't realize how much he wanted to jump until we took him to a friend's house and he spent a good half an hour wide-eyed, laughing and jumping in their little exersaucer/jumper. so when he was about six months old we ordered this graco doorway jumper. he really, really, really loves jumping, and i've seen such a difference in the strength and stability in his legs since we got it. so all in all, right now (he's 7 months old) we have three "stations" that he spends time in: his little rocker/chair, his musical chair, and his jumper. all three offer different advantages and the combination gives him varied positions and experiences throughout the day. now that he's sitting up on his own, we also just plop him on the floor on a blanket and give him some toys, which works. or he sits on the couch with us... though that will change whenever he starts crawling.
BASSINET
we got the arm's reach co-sleeper bassinet, which is another one of those things that everyone in this city seems to have gotten. we bought it used for half the price, which was key since you only use it for a few months. it's working out spectacularly for us. he sleeps in it every night and i love that it attaches to the bed and that he's sleeping right next to me without actually being in the bed. i know people who never used it... not sure what they did instead. this thing rocks.
SWADDLES
i have swaddled other babies using regular swaddling blankets. we got a few of them. but what we've actually been using for this seemingly exceptionally squirmy and strong baby of ours are the velcro variety. Summer Infant and Kiddopotamus both make good ones. i got a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from friends and didn't think i'd use them, but it's all we use and we use them EVERY night. it's the only way he'll sleep in the bassinet. fantastic invention, let me tell you. we also have some sleep sacks, but haven't used those yet.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we've now used the sleep sack a couple of times, mostly because he has been busting out of the small size velcro swaddle and isn't big enough yet for the next size up. however, the sleep sack is also a bit large (small size fits 3-6 months; he wears some 3mo size but not all) and this is actually a serious safety hazard, i learned. because it's two separate pieces (the sack and the wrap that swaddles his arms) when he wiggles his arms enough, he can push the wrap up and over his face. i woke up hearing him fussing and turned in horror to see that his entire face was covered by the fabric! obviously he did not suffocate and it wasn't tight enough to do so, probably, but it was enough for me not to put this back on him until i'm sure it really fits. or never again, possibly.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we stopped swaddling the babe when he was around three months old. it seemed to be frustrating him more than it was helping at that point and he's been fine ever since.
PACIFIERS
i don't believe in forcing every baby to use a pacifier, but i knew that some babies are really comforted by them. i bought a few different kinds because i read that different babies have different preferences, and the only one he will use right now is the phillips avent "soothie." some days he loves it, other days he wants nothing to do with it. i'm glad we have it on hand as a trick up our sleeve.
UPDATE: he's now mostly using the same type of pacifier, but one that's attached to a stuffed animal; this one, in particular. i thought it was just a cute gimmick but the weight of the animal actually helps keep it in his mouth, especially when he's laying on his back in his bassinet. he has also started to try to grab the stuffed animal to hold it in his mouth himself, which isn't totally successful yet but shows initiative.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 before he was four months old, pacifier use was inconsistent. sometimes it calmed him down, sometimes not. it wasn't an every day thing and i actually thought it wouldn't become part of our regular routine. but when i went back to work, our nanny used it as a sleep strategy and it has worked wonders in getting the babe into a nap and nighttime sleep routine. that's the only time he uses a pacifier -- i don't want it to become a habit outside of sleep and it helps for him to associate it with sleepytime. sometimes he falls asleep quickly without it, but a lot of the time we pop it into his mouth, he sucks for a few minutes, falls asleep, and it falls out. the end. oh, and the animal pacifier became more annoying once he really started paying attention to (and getting distracted by) everything -- around five months.
BURP CLOTHS
i am of the opinion that you cannot have too many burp cloths with a baby around, particularly if you are breastfeeding. i like to have at least one in every room of the house, plus many extras to replace those when they get nasty (which happens multiple times per day). i have a few different kinds but recently go these aden & anais "burpy bibs" given to me and they are phenomenal. i want to replace all my other ones with these. they are exactly the right size, shape, material, and weight to just throw over your shoulder or tuck into the front of your top when nursing without any hassle. plus they have little snaps on the edges so you can use them for full wrap-around bibs. they are genius. i can't say enough about them. they might be my favorite baby thing of all. well, other than the baby.
that's all the gear we're using right now. i will update this post over time as i glean any other knowledge about the myriad things we have filling up the baby's room...
STROLLERS
here's my biggest regret so far. i followed the beaten path when it came to strollers and didn't really do any of my own thinking/research. for some reason i trusted the six zillion other parents in my yuppie neighborhood and got what EVERYONE has: a snap & go carseat/stroller system for the newborn, and a regular stroller for when he's six months or so and older. (the city mini, obviously, which is the stroller of choice in our neighborhood.)
so here's the thing: the snap & go system is not made for real stroller usage. i can see if you're a suburbanite and just need something to wheel around target or use on vacation or whatever. but this thing is not cut out for living the city life. the shocks are terrible. it barely makes turns around regular street corners. it SUCKS. i feel like i'm giving my baby a concussion every time i use it. the ONLY advantage i can see to having this system is if you want to be able to carry a sleeping baby in the car seat from car/house to "stroller" to another destination or back home again. this, honestly, is what i envisioned when i registered for it: we'd go out to dinner at a tiny restaurant or over to a friend's house and want to leave the baby in the car seat and fold up the stroller base and put it aside. not only hasn't this happened, i don't see that it ever will. i nearly always use a baby carrier when i take him out right now. it's much easier than dealing with the stroller. when he gets bigger this might change... but by then he will have most likely outgrown the infant car seat and stroller system anyway! i wish we'd just gotten the car seat (required by law and we'll need it for trips/rental cars anyway) and the city mini.
one more tip about that -- people will tell you that in order to use the city mini with an infant who can't hold his head up that you need to buy a $60 adapter that allows you to put the car seat on the city mini like you would on the snap & go frame. my research has shown me that this is also unnecessary (unless you really want to keep the baby in the car seat, like i said before. i do not.). the city mini's seat reclines so far back that you can lay a newborn down inside totally safely. and, if you really want to amp up the support, you can simply buy one of these cozy things for added security. i just ordered that yesterday and we will be switching to the city mini for our stroller needs as soon as i get it in the mail.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we received the Snuzzler and have used it successfully with the citi mini. the babe seems to love being able to see what's happening around him on our walks, and i love that the stroller can actually navigate city streets. we even took it off-roading in the park yesterday.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 the babe is 7.5 months old now and we are still loving the city mini, though personally it's not my transportation mode of choice (i'm really partial to the Ergo carrier... more below). we've folded it up in order to travel by bus/subway only a couple of times, and that is not a lot of fun (nor is it really possible for one person to do without serious annoyance). we will be investing in a lightweight umbrella stroller for this purpose. (possibly the uppa baby g-lite, which is well-reviewed by other moms in my neighborhood.)
CHANGING TABLE
we have a small apartment and didn't want a uni-tasker piece of furniture, so we got a dresser that is the appropriate height for the baby to be changed on top of it. we put the changing pad on top and voila -- changing table. it's perfect. also -- we don't use a cover on the changing pad. ever. what a freakin' silly thing to do unless you're a person who likes doing laundry even more than i do. he pees and poops all over the changing pad every time we change him, so i just put a cloth diaper under him and throw that in the wash when needed. the changing pad is waterproof and wipes clean in two seconds. i wouldn't do it any other way.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i still wouldn't alter our changing table method, but over the past month or so the changing pad has started acquiring some small tears. no big deal, especially since we cover it with prefold diapers for the babe to lay on -- and because they cost all of $15 if we want to replace it -- but i did want to note that.
DIAPER GENIE
didn't get it and glad we didn't. totally unnecessary. we have a small trash can with a foot-operated lid next to the "changing table" and it's perfect.
BABY CARRIERS
as i said above, i am using a baby carrier far more often than a stroller right now. i plan to continue this trend as much as i can, because dealing with strollers seems really annoying... both for the person using it and the people around her. there are a zillion carriers out there and from what i can tell so far it's a personal decision for mom/dad and baby what works well. and who knows -- it may change as baby gets bigger.
- i am obsessed with my ergo. there is an infant insert that you can buy to use the ergo with a newborn, but i read reviews online and didn't buy it and i'm glad i didn't. seems totally unnecessary to me. instead, i just bundle the baby up in a blanket and stick him inside, and it works perfectly. now, if you have a smaller baby this might not be as effective. but with my big boy who can sort of already hold his head up, it's just fine.
- i also inherited a new native baby sling, which is also great. i mostly use this around the house. i took him out in it once and -- it might be a coincidence -- he got super fussy after a couple hours. i think the position he was in might not be super comfy for long. but inside i've manipulated him in a bunch of different positions and he seems to like it.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 i'm a bit confused about the sizing of the new native sling. as the baby gets bigger, he just seems totally cramped in there. so i bought a different kind of sling, a "ring sling," because i was enjoying that option especially in the house and people talked about liking the ring variety. the maya wrap is the most popular, but is stupid expensive, so i bought the lite on shoulder sling instead. so far i've had a tough time figuring out how to manipulate it, but there are a lot of videos online that i am perusing in my spare time (ha) and i am hopeful that this will be another carrier in our rotation. he has slept in it several times when i've been doing dishes or eating dinner or something, which is lovely. (he has also screamed and totally freaked out other times i've attempted to put him in it. so.)
- i have tried mostly unsuccessfully to use the moby wrap, which i also got from a friend. i want to use it and love it, i really do. we'll see if that happens.
- we were given a baby bjorn that we've never even tried to use. seems way too complicated to me.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we are primarily an Ergo family. nothing else has really worked for us, but we love the Ergo so much. we used it exclusively on a ten day trip to paris. i can't say enough good about it. i've done a lot of reading about the benefits of having the baby facing your body rather than facing outwards -- which was a big reason i wanted a different kind of carrier for awhile -- and it makes sense to me to stick with the Ergo.
CHAIRS/SWINGS
we didn't register for anything in this category because of our small apartment problem. i figured if we ended up with a baby who seemed to need something of this nature that we'd worry about it then. a friend gave me a bumbo seat, which can't be used until he can hold his head up, so i'll update on that at a later date. but she also gave us a vibrating rocking chair, similar to this. THAT has been a godsend and i'm actually not sure what i thought we'd be doing with the baby all the time when i imagined not having anything like this around. we don't use the vibrating feature. in fact, it doesn't even have batteries in it for that or the sound. but he sits in it, and we rock him, and sometimes he falls asleep in it and other times he just chills out and looks around. it's great. i love it. when he gets bigger he can rock it himself (he does that accidentally sometimes right now and it's pretty funny), and it can also be converted to different reclining angles and to a non-rocking chair by adjusting the legs. so glad we have this. highly recommended.
we don't have a swing. he would probably like one, but he's doing just fine without it.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 i would like to state again how incredibly dumb i was to think we didn't need a little chair/rocker for the babe. we have since purchased a new infant-to-toddler rocker so we could take the older one to my parents' house and have the new one at home. as he's getting bigger it's even more useful to have a spot for him to chill out. we need to buckle him in now so he doesn't topple out (we never did when he was smaller) but he loves his little chair, and it should fit him until he's a toddler when he can sit in it like a normal chair and put his feet on the floor. LOVE it.
EXERSAUCERS, ETC.
we didn't register for anything like this and i wasn't sure what, if anything, along these lines we would get. when the babe was around four months old i knew we needed something other than the little chair (see above) because he needed to be able to sit up and use his legs. after a ton of research, i chose the fisher price step & play piano because a) it's musical, which i love; and b) it's convertible as they get older. before the baby can stand or walk, there's a little seat for him to sit in, spin around in, and play with the toys. then you can take the seat out so he can practice standing and, eventually, walking. toddlers can (and do) still play with it because it's accessible once you're walking (i've seen this with little visitors to our house). the babe LOVES it and i know we'll get lots more use out of it.
however, the one disadvantage to this over other exersaucers is the lack of a jumper feature. i didn't realize how much he wanted to jump until we took him to a friend's house and he spent a good half an hour wide-eyed, laughing and jumping in their little exersaucer/jumper. so when he was about six months old we ordered this graco doorway jumper. he really, really, really loves jumping, and i've seen such a difference in the strength and stability in his legs since we got it. so all in all, right now (he's 7 months old) we have three "stations" that he spends time in: his little rocker/chair, his musical chair, and his jumper. all three offer different advantages and the combination gives him varied positions and experiences throughout the day. now that he's sitting up on his own, we also just plop him on the floor on a blanket and give him some toys, which works. or he sits on the couch with us... though that will change whenever he starts crawling.
BASSINET
we got the arm's reach co-sleeper bassinet, which is another one of those things that everyone in this city seems to have gotten. we bought it used for half the price, which was key since you only use it for a few months. it's working out spectacularly for us. he sleeps in it every night and i love that it attaches to the bed and that he's sleeping right next to me without actually being in the bed. i know people who never used it... not sure what they did instead. this thing rocks.
SWADDLES
i have swaddled other babies using regular swaddling blankets. we got a few of them. but what we've actually been using for this seemingly exceptionally squirmy and strong baby of ours are the velcro variety. Summer Infant and Kiddopotamus both make good ones. i got a whole bunch of hand-me-downs from friends and didn't think i'd use them, but it's all we use and we use them EVERY night. it's the only way he'll sleep in the bassinet. fantastic invention, let me tell you. we also have some sleep sacks, but haven't used those yet.
UPDATE: 12/5/2012 we've now used the sleep sack a couple of times, mostly because he has been busting out of the small size velcro swaddle and isn't big enough yet for the next size up. however, the sleep sack is also a bit large (small size fits 3-6 months; he wears some 3mo size but not all) and this is actually a serious safety hazard, i learned. because it's two separate pieces (the sack and the wrap that swaddles his arms) when he wiggles his arms enough, he can push the wrap up and over his face. i woke up hearing him fussing and turned in horror to see that his entire face was covered by the fabric! obviously he did not suffocate and it wasn't tight enough to do so, probably, but it was enough for me not to put this back on him until i'm sure it really fits. or never again, possibly.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 we stopped swaddling the babe when he was around three months old. it seemed to be frustrating him more than it was helping at that point and he's been fine ever since.
PACIFIERS
i don't believe in forcing every baby to use a pacifier, but i knew that some babies are really comforted by them. i bought a few different kinds because i read that different babies have different preferences, and the only one he will use right now is the phillips avent "soothie." some days he loves it, other days he wants nothing to do with it. i'm glad we have it on hand as a trick up our sleeve.
UPDATE: he's now mostly using the same type of pacifier, but one that's attached to a stuffed animal; this one, in particular. i thought it was just a cute gimmick but the weight of the animal actually helps keep it in his mouth, especially when he's laying on his back in his bassinet. he has also started to try to grab the stuffed animal to hold it in his mouth himself, which isn't totally successful yet but shows initiative.
UPDATE: 5/24/2013 before he was four months old, pacifier use was inconsistent. sometimes it calmed him down, sometimes not. it wasn't an every day thing and i actually thought it wouldn't become part of our regular routine. but when i went back to work, our nanny used it as a sleep strategy and it has worked wonders in getting the babe into a nap and nighttime sleep routine. that's the only time he uses a pacifier -- i don't want it to become a habit outside of sleep and it helps for him to associate it with sleepytime. sometimes he falls asleep quickly without it, but a lot of the time we pop it into his mouth, he sucks for a few minutes, falls asleep, and it falls out. the end. oh, and the animal pacifier became more annoying once he really started paying attention to (and getting distracted by) everything -- around five months.
BURP CLOTHS
i am of the opinion that you cannot have too many burp cloths with a baby around, particularly if you are breastfeeding. i like to have at least one in every room of the house, plus many extras to replace those when they get nasty (which happens multiple times per day). i have a few different kinds but recently go these aden & anais "burpy bibs" given to me and they are phenomenal. i want to replace all my other ones with these. they are exactly the right size, shape, material, and weight to just throw over your shoulder or tuck into the front of your top when nursing without any hassle. plus they have little snaps on the edges so you can use them for full wrap-around bibs. they are genius. i can't say enough about them. they might be my favorite baby thing of all. well, other than the baby.
that's all the gear we're using right now. i will update this post over time as i glean any other knowledge about the myriad things we have filling up the baby's room...
Five weeks and two days old
it's thanksgiving week and i am thankful most of all for my son. but these days i am also thankful for little things like being able to sit at the computer and type while he's quiet and (possibly?) sleeping strapped to my chest in the sling. i don't know how long this will last. this is the edge-of-my-seat thrilling nature of the life of the parent of a five week old. but while it lasts, i will try to document the past week or so.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
EATING
nursing is still going ok, though i've run into a few more obstacles. nothing major. i've had some blocked ducts, which are super uncomfortable. but basically they go away on their own with heat (my good ole heating pad, so helpful for my sciatica during pregnancy, comes in handy again) and with plenty of nursing. i also have an unproven theory that when i wear nursing bras or nursing tops with built-in bras that are too tight on the bottom of my boobs that it exacerbates the problem. i've stopped wearing the ones that felt too confining and haven't had a duct problem in awhile. we've had some temporary issues caused by his lazy latching on, but luckily nothing there has developed into anything substantial. it's a day or two of pain -- the crazy sore nipple pain like in the beginning -- but then if he chills out it goes away. sometimes i get white patches on my nipples which i've ready are circulation issues caused by bad latching. like the blockages, they generally take care of themselves. i have gone to a couple of breastfeeding support groups, and they've been hugely helpful for tips, strategies, and just general moral support from other nursing moms and from professional lactation experts. i still don't think i have it down to a science, but we're doing okay. he weighed 10 pounds, 3 ounces at his one month check up, so i'd say he's definitely receiving nourishment. pumping is going well and being able to give him a bottle once in awhile is heavenly. the issue is the days that he nurses every hour or so... when there is no time to pump, and also no time to do anything else (see general babycare/functionality).
SLEEPING
thank my lucky stars, we are still on a good nighttime routine. he's still sleeping well in the bassinet and sleeping soundly (and longer) between nighttime feedings. he doesn't eat for a long time at night, which is good for me (less awake time) and because he should eventually not need to nurse overnight at all. hopefully sooner rather than later, but i'm not complaining right now.
GNERAL BABYCARE
ok, so this part has gotten harder the past few days. he is awake SO much more now. like, most of the day. one day he was awake for 12 hours. this would be ok if he were always happy and content while he's awake, but some days he is a screaming lunatic who needs attention 24/7. and when it's just me to give him said attention... it's a bitch. the hubby was gone nearly all weekend at a bachelor party and i was MISERABLE. but now it's been four days of this new normal, and i'm starting to figure it out. i think he actually gets bored. seeing different people and going out and doing things actually makes him much happier. even moving into a different room of the house helps. who knew? i guess his little brain is really taking a lot more in than i realized at this early stage. the challenge then is making sure not to OVER-stimulate him, which also makes him a raging monster. because he often will not let himself go to sleep. so we're working on strategies for all of this. it's trial and error, but this is my full time job right now so i'll deal.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
this category seems to be directly related to the previous. obviously i am much less functional when babycare takes over the entire 24 hour span of the day. or at least the 12 hours that we're not in bed/sleeping. showering has become less frequent. preparing my own meals is an impossibility a lot of times. and it's totally unpredictable, which is the biggest challenge. i never know if i'll get a solid period of time when he's sleeping or at least quiet and calm and not needing me to hold him. sometimes i do, and then i scramble to prioritize what needs to be done. should i poop? or do the dishes? or put in that load of laundry? it's not as easy as it was. i'm hoping by strategically dealing with his new daytime needs that i can figure out ways to work it, because there have been events in the past few days that i'd like not to repeat, such as not eating for almost 8 hours and not realizing it until i got dizzy.
both my parents and my in-laws will be here this week for thanksgiving. i hope they will forgive my filthy house and also not be totally freaked out by the increased fussiness of their grandson and virtual uselessness of their daughter/daughter-in-law. i can really only claim responsibility for the baby's needs at this point... anything else is a crapshoot. but they'll understand that, right? we're about to find out. at the very least i hope someone will be able to hold him so i can take a shower. one day.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Parenthood: the first four weeks
it's funny to me now that i planned to write a weekly post. perhaps at some point i'll get to that stage in my functionality, but by then weekly posts probably won't be that interesting or necessary. right now i'm pretty pleased that i'm finding the time and energy to write about this first almost month (!!!) since the baby arrived... and i can't decide if that elapsed time feels like much longer or much shorter. or both, somehow.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
the first week was a whirlwind. all of our families were in town. we had constant help around the house, which was nice, but it was also really intense to have all of those people there. all the time. the grandparents fought over whose turn it was to hold the baby, and basically he slept 90% of the time. looking back on it now that was sort of a dream. and i think we thought somehow that that was indicative of how his temperament would be, forever. no one told me that newborns are mostly complete and total lumps at first. all i'd heard was the stories of screaming fussy babies and spit-up and poop explosions and no one getting any sleep at night... i was not aware that this doesn't start until week two or three. sigh.
anyway, a week after he was born we had his bris, which was lovely, and then all the family skedaddled. i was initially worried to be on my own with the baby, but for a number of reasons i still haven't been "on my own" all that much. that second week for whatever reason the hubby just didn't have a lot of work. he was home with the babe and i almost every day, and the transition from six or eight adults in the house to just us two wasn't that bad at all. the third week we had a hurricane, and the hubby didn't work again because the city shut down. this week we had a blizzard, and the hubby didn't really work again. so it's looking like week five of the baby's life will find me on my own as a stay at home mom for the first time. at this point, i think i can probably handle it. probably. most of the time. i hope.
it's hard for me to give a step by step of what's happened over these past four weeks so i won't try. i will summarize in categories instead.
EATING
breastfeeding is hard. luckily, that's something i knew going in. i've had enough friends with enough nursing issues to know the hell that i might expect, and thankfully it hasn't been anywhere near as bad as i know it could be. we haven't had any major issues. he latched on well from the first day in the hospital, though he was mostly frustrated by nursing the first couple of days until my milk came in (the night of day four). after that he nursed like a champ. i had bloody and sore nipples (lanolin helped) but eventually that ended. now we sort of have a schedule, most days. the nights are actually pretty awesome for the most part (see more under "sleeping"). occasionally he has a weird nursing day, which is very frustrating, and the past couple of days my nipples have started hurting again because he's doing some weird ass stuff with his latch sometimes that i can't quite figure out. but mostly... it's okay. i learned how to use my breast pump and have pumped enough to give him a bottle the past two days (once the hubby gave it to him, just to see how he did, and tonight my parents babysat while we went OUT, to a BAR, and he took the bottle perfectly once again!). all in all i'm pretty pleased with how that's going. he's putting on weight really well so obviously he's not malnourished. it's pretty cool that i can sustain the life of another creature with something that my body makes all on its own. nature, man. wow.
SLEEPING
we've gotten into a relatively regular nighttime routine over the past week or two. he usually nurses between 11pm and midnight, and then we go to bed. he sleeps until 3 or 4am, we nurse then for 45 minutes to an hour, depending, and then go back to sleep until 6:30 or 7am and then nurse again. the past three nights in a row he has slept in his bassinet after every feeding, which is a big accomplishment. for the first couple of weeks he slept in the bed with me a lot. which, frankly, i love. but i know we don't want to co-sleep officially, and the pediatrician said habits can form even at this young of an age. he needed to get used to sleeping away from "a warm body," and i see how this has made him more relaxed and comfortable overall now that he actually can. so now at night after each time i nurse him i swaddle him and put him down in his bassinet, which is attached to our bed. he's really laying right next to me, just about a foot away. and most of the time he goes right to sleep. sometimes i have to pick him up and comfort him and then put him down again. but three nights running there has been no major fussing, no meltdowns... the hubby doesn't even wake up when i nurse him a lot of the time. fingers crossed that this continues for awhile, at least.
GENERAL BABY CARE
i kinda feel like this hasn't been too challenging for me. i have read a lot about babies and seen a lot of people in action with them. also, despite the amazing calmness of the first week being somewhat of a ruse, this baby does seem to have a fairly easygoing temperament. he's chill like his father as opposed to high strung like his mother. thankfully. when he cries, we almost always know (now) what he's crying about. it's usually rectified within minutes by going through the checklist: hungry? dirty diaper? hot? cold? if none of those things are the issue, we've now learned that he's just having a normal baby freakout (overstimulated or overtired or who knows what), which can be solved within 5-7 minutes at most by swaddling and rocking him. that's it. it is very, very rare that we are at our wits' end wondering what's going on with him for more than a couple of minutes. the rational nature of this pleases both of us a great deal. the hubby, especially, just can't deal with unexplained behavior. i know we'll encounter new challenges in the future as he continues to grow and develop at rapid pace, but i'm quite happy that we're not drowning in these initial stages of parenting.
GENERAL FUNCTIONALITY
i couldn't think of anything else to call the rest of my daily life that doesn't include the above categories. i guess there are diaper changes in there, but those don't really need exposition. overall i feel that i am mostly functioning as a human. this might sound obvious or silly to say, but i have known many parents of newborns and i know that this is an important consideration. i have taken him out for walks in the stroller and in the baby carrier, gone to stores and cafes for parent group meetups, gone out to dinner several times, and had friends over at the house. this weekend my parents made an impromptu visit and insisted we go out tonight and let them watch the baby. it was great. i'm proud that we're as functional as we are. we eat, the dishes get done, the laundry gets done (every freakin' day!), the house stays clean (the cleaning woman helps, of course), and even the pets get fed and walked and played with... though not to the same degree as they are used to. i don't feel like i have anything going on in my life except for the baby and these mundane household chores, but the fact that it's all getting done is a good thing.
i do have my meltdowns. these are partially caused by hormones, i know, and partially by the drastic, irreversible change in my life. as much as pregnancy made me somewhat a slave to my circumstances, i am now 100% a slave to another creature's needs. i no longer have my own schedule or, honestly, life. my wants and needs are secondary to his. there are many times i desperately want to eat or go to the bathroom but can't because he has to do those things first. most of the time i'm okay with this arrangement. i knew what i was signing up for. but there are moments -- almost every day -- when it just feels like too much, or that it's too unfair, or that i just want a little break that i know i can't have. that responsibility can be really overwhelming.
but then i know it's worth it... like this morning, when i got up at 8 knowing he'd sleep at least another couple of hours, and joyfully was getting stuff done around the house without feeling tethered to him... until about 9:30 when i missed him and started thinking about waking him up. i didn't, mind you. but the hubby thought i was absolutely insane for even saying that i sort of missed having him around. "all you talk about is how you don't ever have any time without him, and now you have it!" he said. "what's wrong with you?" well, to me that's evidence that i really love my kid and i know i did the right thing by bringing him into my life. it drives me crazy sometimes that i don't get a break, that my life has become all about him. but then i realize that i wouldn't want it any other way. because parenthood, above all, is amazing so far. by far the best thing i've ever done. maybe the hardest, sure. but he's only four weeks old and it's already so, so worth it.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Birth Story!
just hours after i wrote that last post my waiting came to an end! i was in labor by 9pm that night and my baby boy arrived the following afternoon. but much like everything else about this pregnancy, it didn't happen the way i imagined. here's the story...
there i was, at my weekly appointment at the high risk doctor. in retrospect, i should have suspected something because the ultrasound tech was acting really strange during the scan. she hardly spoke except to ask me some weird questions about my medication. when the doctor came in she immediately told him to look at the images she'd taken. he took a quick look and then turned to me and said, "how do i tell you this? we have to get this baby out." i probably looked like a deer in headlights. i think i said, "why?" he then proceeded to scare me half to death by telling me that my uterus was becoming a "toxic environment" because the placenta was showing signs of shutting down. they could tell this because the scan showed that the blood flow from the placenta to the baby was decreasing. he said in a matter of days it could lead to brain damage to the baby, so he wanted to induce me asap. i was reeling at this point. i was terrified to be induced, because i know it often takes much longer than a natural labor and women end up needing an epidural, which i really, really didn't want. to make matters worse, the hubby was working about 45 minutes away and i was freaking out about all of this by myself.
i called the hubby and told him he needed to leave his client and go home and get the hospital bags and meet me. i called my doula and told her we might be on for that night. meanwhile, the doctor called my regular OB to discuss (and i found out later from the OB that he was really pressuring her to give me an emergency c-section) and she decided that even though the high risk docs are really alarmist and over the top that it wasn't worth the risk if the placenta really was deteriorating as he said. so i went straight from my doctor appt. to Labor & Delivery on the other side of the hospital. i was a wreck at this point since i didn't really know what was going to happen and of course because i thought my baby was in danger.
i was admitted to triage at 5pm, examined and told that my cervix was already 80% thinned and i was about 3cm dilated. since i had that progress going in they decided to just give me pitocin to start labor and hope for the best. the resident doctor who examined me told me i couldn't eat or drink anything from that point on just in case i needed to have a c-section, which made me super unhappy since i hadn't eaten since my school-time lunch at 11:30. finally my OB showed up. she was confident that i had a good chance to have a successful, unmedicated vaginal birth like i wanted (other than the pitocin, obviously). the hubby showed up with the hospital bags and immediately i felt a million times better. we waited awhile in triage because Labor & Delivery was full, but my OB told him to go out and get us dinner and we should just relax while we could. so we did. we got a room in L&D about 9pm and they started the pitocin at 9:20 or so. my doula arrived at 10:15.
the first part of labor wasn't that bad at all. i was actually thinking if this was it it was going to be a breeze. my doula had me moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions. i was hooked up to the pitocin IV but i could wheel the thingy around with me, and the fetal heart monitoring (required when you're on pitocin) was wireless so that was super nice in terms of my mobility. the contractions got steadily worse as they upped the pitocin dose in my IV, but i could handle it. i should have known. unfortunately, i wasn't dilating any further. that was super disappointing to hear. so at 4am my OB broke my water (which was disgusting! and so weird!) and then things really picked up. i lose track of time after that, but i know the thoughts of labor being a breeze were gone from my mind. it got really painful, and the strategies i'd been using so far to cope with the contractions (listening to music, telling the hubby and my doula to have random conversations to distract me) stopped working. during those couple of hours, i had decided (though i didn't tell anyone) that when the doctor examined me next if i hadn't made a lot of progress i was going to have to ask for an epidural. i really didn't want one, but i knew i couldn't deal with many more hours feeling the way i was. but, thankfully, when she came back to check on me she found that i was at 7cm! practically there! that was enough of a motivation to keep me going. the next hour or two were pretty brutal in terms of pain. i knew there was an end in sight, but it was really, really hard. my doula, my nurse, and the hubby were absolute superstars. i never could have done it without any of the three of them. the weirdest part for me was how much pressure i felt in my bottom. i didn't feel it at all in my crotch, which is i assumed the sensations would emanate from. instead, as i said to the hubby, i just "couldn't believe how much it feels like this baby is going to come out of my butt." i was still moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions, thanks to my doula forcing me, but it was getting harder and harder. at one point i asked her if we could turn off the pitocin for a little while so i could take a break. she handled that well and reminded me that, actually, the contractions were helping the baby to come so no... we shouldn't turn off the pitocin. i was getting a bit loopy. but by the end of that couple of hours, it was daylight and i was fully dilated and ready to push!
so then i'm thinking: it's the home stretch! an hour or so, maybe, and the baby would be here! i could do it! but once again... my story wasn't what i imagined. pushing took about three and a half hours. which sucked. well, the first hour and a half was actually ok. i kept thinking, "this is so much better than when i was just having contractions and not doing anything about them!" i had a little trouble figuring out how to push at first. i definitely had the urge, but the know-how isn't exactly automatic. they kept telling me to push like i was constipated and trying to have a bowel movement, but as a pregnant person with hemorrhoids this has been a behavior that i have fought against for nine months! my OB coached me through the first few rounds, but then she had to leave for another engagement (she had warned us about this the day before, so i was prepared). the doctor on call was, luckily, amazing and i think did an even better job helping me figure out what the hell i was supposed to be doing. his instructions were very procedural and specific, which is how my brain works. it felt like i was doing something productive, which i liked, and again i just kept thinking it's almost over! right? sigh...
as time went on it got way more intense. the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and as the baby moved down the birth canal the pressure kept increasing. then they realized that i hadn't peed in hours, which might be impeding the baby's path. i told them i didn't feel like i had to go, but they used a catheter to empty my bladder and sure enough it was full! so i kept pushing. and pushing. and then came the part where his head was crowning for, oh, over and hour. they kept saying i was so close, but his head would get sucked back inside at the end of every contraction. that was so frustrating, and i was getting SO tired of pushing (and just tired in general, since i'd been awake for 28 hours at that point and in labor for 14 of them). the last few pushes were really painful because the baby had his hand in his mouth and would not move it, which was apparently why his head wouldn't come out! so the doc had to stick his hands inside and get the silly baby's hand out of the way. that was the part where i yelled "OW!" really loudly twice. it felt like my pelvic bones were cracking. other than that and a few times during the worst of the pre-pushing contractions i was a pretty quiet laborer, surprisingly. everyone kept saying what a great job i was doing and how impressed they were that i hadn't had any pain medication. i was just totally internalized. i knew the other people were in the room but they felt almost like shadows. i knew i had to stay completely focused on pushing to get through it. it was really, really hard. but the baby's heart rate stayed completely steady for my entire labor, which was remarkable, so there was no reason to rush anything or for them to move to any other means of getting the baby out. i was ok, he was ok... so we just kept pushing. and then, eventually, he was there: 12:53pm, Saturday, October 13. he weighed 8lbs. and 9oz. and was 20 inches long. and he had a full head of hair just like the ultrasound techs were always telling me they saw in the scans.
i almost couldn't believe it when they showed him to me and put him on my chest. it was so bizarre to see the little creature that had been inside me for months out in the world. i thought beforehand that i would surely cry when i saw him, but i didn't. i was so happy and just kept staring at him. the hubby cut the umbilical cord (which originally he thought he wouldn't do... he also thought he wouldn't look at anything below my waist during delivery, but that didn't happen either!) and the doctor showed us the placenta and amniotic sac when they came out, which were really freakin' cool to see. as we stared at the baby and my doula helped us get started with breastfeeding, the doctor was rinsing and washing me up and stitching closed the two tiny tears that i sustained during all that pushing. he seemed surprised i didn't tear worse than that, considering how long i pushed and how incredibly swollen i was. i say it was all of that perineal massage! after i'd held him for awhile the doctors checked out the baby, a bit closely because he seemed to be having some respiratory issues. a visit from a pediatrics resident and a nicu resident resolved those worries, and eventually we were allowed to have our families (who'd been in the waiting room for hours) come in to visit, and then they packed us up and moved us upstairs to the Mother & Baby unit.
the hubby and our family stayed in my room for a few hours. they brought me some food and waited on me hand and foot. the hubby was so exhausted he could barely see straight, but i was running on so much adrenaline i didn't even feel tired. i definitely didn't feel like i'd been awake for 36 hours and had just done the most difficult physical task of my life. the nurses came and explained a bunch of stuff to me about my medication and my hospital stay and newborn care. around 7pm everyone went home. my first night was a little harrowing. not only did i have this tiny baby to take care of (though he really did sleep most of the time), but i was still hooked up to the pitocin IV (they were afraid since my labor wasn't natural that my body wouldn't continue to have the necessary contractions to take care of all the afterbirth stuff) and i was gushing blood from my vagina and could barely sit down due to the horrific state of my hemorrhoids from all that damn pushing. seriously, my hemorrhoid experience prior to this was nothing. laughable. they gave me 800mg ibuprofen, which was a lifesaver (i'm still taking it, ten days later, and have no plans to stop anytime soon). every trip to the bathroom was a half hour endeavor between wheeling the IV with me and trying to keep from bleeding all over everything. i had my parents bring me Depends on the second day because i couldn't think of anything other than diapers that would contain the mess. (i'm still using those, too, ten days later). my body definitely felt like it had been through something huge and unparalleled. but every time i looked at the baby i knew it was worth it.
i stayed in the hospital for two days. the nurses were so helpful and kind, and i took a breastfeeding class with a lactation nurse that was really useful. the hubby and our family came to visit and brought me food and coffee, but i also had some alone time with the baby that i cherished. they discharged me and the baby on monday morning, when both of us were declared healthy and ready for the world (other than some iron issues with me, so i'm on a supplement). my physical ailments are getting better by the day. still bleeding and still sore, but much less so. even the hemorrhoids are getting better already. i plan to write weekly updates, so i'll condense the first week and a half into my first Parenthood post soon. as a sneak preview, though, things are going pretty well. it's a whole new world, but i was ready for it, and i'm loving it so far. :)
there i was, at my weekly appointment at the high risk doctor. in retrospect, i should have suspected something because the ultrasound tech was acting really strange during the scan. she hardly spoke except to ask me some weird questions about my medication. when the doctor came in she immediately told him to look at the images she'd taken. he took a quick look and then turned to me and said, "how do i tell you this? we have to get this baby out." i probably looked like a deer in headlights. i think i said, "why?" he then proceeded to scare me half to death by telling me that my uterus was becoming a "toxic environment" because the placenta was showing signs of shutting down. they could tell this because the scan showed that the blood flow from the placenta to the baby was decreasing. he said in a matter of days it could lead to brain damage to the baby, so he wanted to induce me asap. i was reeling at this point. i was terrified to be induced, because i know it often takes much longer than a natural labor and women end up needing an epidural, which i really, really didn't want. to make matters worse, the hubby was working about 45 minutes away and i was freaking out about all of this by myself.
i called the hubby and told him he needed to leave his client and go home and get the hospital bags and meet me. i called my doula and told her we might be on for that night. meanwhile, the doctor called my regular OB to discuss (and i found out later from the OB that he was really pressuring her to give me an emergency c-section) and she decided that even though the high risk docs are really alarmist and over the top that it wasn't worth the risk if the placenta really was deteriorating as he said. so i went straight from my doctor appt. to Labor & Delivery on the other side of the hospital. i was a wreck at this point since i didn't really know what was going to happen and of course because i thought my baby was in danger.
i was admitted to triage at 5pm, examined and told that my cervix was already 80% thinned and i was about 3cm dilated. since i had that progress going in they decided to just give me pitocin to start labor and hope for the best. the resident doctor who examined me told me i couldn't eat or drink anything from that point on just in case i needed to have a c-section, which made me super unhappy since i hadn't eaten since my school-time lunch at 11:30. finally my OB showed up. she was confident that i had a good chance to have a successful, unmedicated vaginal birth like i wanted (other than the pitocin, obviously). the hubby showed up with the hospital bags and immediately i felt a million times better. we waited awhile in triage because Labor & Delivery was full, but my OB told him to go out and get us dinner and we should just relax while we could. so we did. we got a room in L&D about 9pm and they started the pitocin at 9:20 or so. my doula arrived at 10:15.
the first part of labor wasn't that bad at all. i was actually thinking if this was it it was going to be a breeze. my doula had me moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions. i was hooked up to the pitocin IV but i could wheel the thingy around with me, and the fetal heart monitoring (required when you're on pitocin) was wireless so that was super nice in terms of my mobility. the contractions got steadily worse as they upped the pitocin dose in my IV, but i could handle it. i should have known. unfortunately, i wasn't dilating any further. that was super disappointing to hear. so at 4am my OB broke my water (which was disgusting! and so weird!) and then things really picked up. i lose track of time after that, but i know the thoughts of labor being a breeze were gone from my mind. it got really painful, and the strategies i'd been using so far to cope with the contractions (listening to music, telling the hubby and my doula to have random conversations to distract me) stopped working. during those couple of hours, i had decided (though i didn't tell anyone) that when the doctor examined me next if i hadn't made a lot of progress i was going to have to ask for an epidural. i really didn't want one, but i knew i couldn't deal with many more hours feeling the way i was. but, thankfully, when she came back to check on me she found that i was at 7cm! practically there! that was enough of a motivation to keep me going. the next hour or two were pretty brutal in terms of pain. i knew there was an end in sight, but it was really, really hard. my doula, my nurse, and the hubby were absolute superstars. i never could have done it without any of the three of them. the weirdest part for me was how much pressure i felt in my bottom. i didn't feel it at all in my crotch, which is i assumed the sensations would emanate from. instead, as i said to the hubby, i just "couldn't believe how much it feels like this baby is going to come out of my butt." i was still moving around a lot and trying lots of different positions, thanks to my doula forcing me, but it was getting harder and harder. at one point i asked her if we could turn off the pitocin for a little while so i could take a break. she handled that well and reminded me that, actually, the contractions were helping the baby to come so no... we shouldn't turn off the pitocin. i was getting a bit loopy. but by the end of that couple of hours, it was daylight and i was fully dilated and ready to push!
so then i'm thinking: it's the home stretch! an hour or so, maybe, and the baby would be here! i could do it! but once again... my story wasn't what i imagined. pushing took about three and a half hours. which sucked. well, the first hour and a half was actually ok. i kept thinking, "this is so much better than when i was just having contractions and not doing anything about them!" i had a little trouble figuring out how to push at first. i definitely had the urge, but the know-how isn't exactly automatic. they kept telling me to push like i was constipated and trying to have a bowel movement, but as a pregnant person with hemorrhoids this has been a behavior that i have fought against for nine months! my OB coached me through the first few rounds, but then she had to leave for another engagement (she had warned us about this the day before, so i was prepared). the doctor on call was, luckily, amazing and i think did an even better job helping me figure out what the hell i was supposed to be doing. his instructions were very procedural and specific, which is how my brain works. it felt like i was doing something productive, which i liked, and again i just kept thinking it's almost over! right? sigh...
as time went on it got way more intense. the contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and as the baby moved down the birth canal the pressure kept increasing. then they realized that i hadn't peed in hours, which might be impeding the baby's path. i told them i didn't feel like i had to go, but they used a catheter to empty my bladder and sure enough it was full! so i kept pushing. and pushing. and then came the part where his head was crowning for, oh, over and hour. they kept saying i was so close, but his head would get sucked back inside at the end of every contraction. that was so frustrating, and i was getting SO tired of pushing (and just tired in general, since i'd been awake for 28 hours at that point and in labor for 14 of them). the last few pushes were really painful because the baby had his hand in his mouth and would not move it, which was apparently why his head wouldn't come out! so the doc had to stick his hands inside and get the silly baby's hand out of the way. that was the part where i yelled "OW!" really loudly twice. it felt like my pelvic bones were cracking. other than that and a few times during the worst of the pre-pushing contractions i was a pretty quiet laborer, surprisingly. everyone kept saying what a great job i was doing and how impressed they were that i hadn't had any pain medication. i was just totally internalized. i knew the other people were in the room but they felt almost like shadows. i knew i had to stay completely focused on pushing to get through it. it was really, really hard. but the baby's heart rate stayed completely steady for my entire labor, which was remarkable, so there was no reason to rush anything or for them to move to any other means of getting the baby out. i was ok, he was ok... so we just kept pushing. and then, eventually, he was there: 12:53pm, Saturday, October 13. he weighed 8lbs. and 9oz. and was 20 inches long. and he had a full head of hair just like the ultrasound techs were always telling me they saw in the scans.
i almost couldn't believe it when they showed him to me and put him on my chest. it was so bizarre to see the little creature that had been inside me for months out in the world. i thought beforehand that i would surely cry when i saw him, but i didn't. i was so happy and just kept staring at him. the hubby cut the umbilical cord (which originally he thought he wouldn't do... he also thought he wouldn't look at anything below my waist during delivery, but that didn't happen either!) and the doctor showed us the placenta and amniotic sac when they came out, which were really freakin' cool to see. as we stared at the baby and my doula helped us get started with breastfeeding, the doctor was rinsing and washing me up and stitching closed the two tiny tears that i sustained during all that pushing. he seemed surprised i didn't tear worse than that, considering how long i pushed and how incredibly swollen i was. i say it was all of that perineal massage! after i'd held him for awhile the doctors checked out the baby, a bit closely because he seemed to be having some respiratory issues. a visit from a pediatrics resident and a nicu resident resolved those worries, and eventually we were allowed to have our families (who'd been in the waiting room for hours) come in to visit, and then they packed us up and moved us upstairs to the Mother & Baby unit.
the hubby and our family stayed in my room for a few hours. they brought me some food and waited on me hand and foot. the hubby was so exhausted he could barely see straight, but i was running on so much adrenaline i didn't even feel tired. i definitely didn't feel like i'd been awake for 36 hours and had just done the most difficult physical task of my life. the nurses came and explained a bunch of stuff to me about my medication and my hospital stay and newborn care. around 7pm everyone went home. my first night was a little harrowing. not only did i have this tiny baby to take care of (though he really did sleep most of the time), but i was still hooked up to the pitocin IV (they were afraid since my labor wasn't natural that my body wouldn't continue to have the necessary contractions to take care of all the afterbirth stuff) and i was gushing blood from my vagina and could barely sit down due to the horrific state of my hemorrhoids from all that damn pushing. seriously, my hemorrhoid experience prior to this was nothing. laughable. they gave me 800mg ibuprofen, which was a lifesaver (i'm still taking it, ten days later, and have no plans to stop anytime soon). every trip to the bathroom was a half hour endeavor between wheeling the IV with me and trying to keep from bleeding all over everything. i had my parents bring me Depends on the second day because i couldn't think of anything other than diapers that would contain the mess. (i'm still using those, too, ten days later). my body definitely felt like it had been through something huge and unparalleled. but every time i looked at the baby i knew it was worth it.
i stayed in the hospital for two days. the nurses were so helpful and kind, and i took a breastfeeding class with a lactation nurse that was really useful. the hubby and our family came to visit and brought me food and coffee, but i also had some alone time with the baby that i cherished. they discharged me and the baby on monday morning, when both of us were declared healthy and ready for the world (other than some iron issues with me, so i'm on a supplement). my physical ailments are getting better by the day. still bleeding and still sore, but much less so. even the hemorrhoids are getting better already. i plan to write weekly updates, so i'll condense the first week and a half into my first Parenthood post soon. as a sneak preview, though, things are going pretty well. it's a whole new world, but i was ready for it, and i'm loving it so far. :)
Friday, October 12, 2012
39 weeks, 5 days & still pregnant
still here! i've basically led a completely normal life during the latter part of this week. after staying home on tuesday and making myself INSANE, i decided to work the rest of the week and i'm glad i did. i'm a little tired but otherwise i actually feel a lot better than i did last week and the week before. i still have a lot of pelvic and groin pressure and i am slow-moving and a little achy and sore, but really i've been mostly able to do about my business. i was totally useless at home... couldn't motivate to do anything other than obsess over minuscule, unimportant details and got so cranky that the hubby came home from work and said he wasn't going to talk to me for a few minutes until i got myself under control. it has been much better to be back at work. i'm definitely tired from only getting about 7 hours of sleep a night, but i can handle it and i know i will catch up this weekend (unless there is some other action going on in my life!!!).
i go to the high risk doc this afternoon for a growth assessment so we'll see what kind of a giant baby he's going to be whenever he gets here. i wonder if that will affect any induction plans? if i'm still pregnant on monday, that's when i go back to the OB and she'll strip my membranes. a colleague told me yesterday that she would never, ever do that again because it was so painful and awful, but i'm trying to put that out of my mind. i know i'd rather try something like that than medical induction, so if that's what it comes to i will try to welcome it openly. but i am really hoping the baby will come on his own this weekend.
i've been scouring the internet and soliciting stories from others about how they felt right before they went into labor -- looking for any possible clues or signs that i can apply to myself -- but the only conclusion i can come to is that it's completely different for everyone and often for every pregnancy. so i guess even though last week i thought i "felt" like it was going to happen any time, i don't really know what that "feeling" is, and i have to be aware that it could still happen any time even though i now feel mostly normal. so that's that! i'm distracting myself as much as possible and just waiting... waiting...
i go to the high risk doc this afternoon for a growth assessment so we'll see what kind of a giant baby he's going to be whenever he gets here. i wonder if that will affect any induction plans? if i'm still pregnant on monday, that's when i go back to the OB and she'll strip my membranes. a colleague told me yesterday that she would never, ever do that again because it was so painful and awful, but i'm trying to put that out of my mind. i know i'd rather try something like that than medical induction, so if that's what it comes to i will try to welcome it openly. but i am really hoping the baby will come on his own this weekend.
i've been scouring the internet and soliciting stories from others about how they felt right before they went into labor -- looking for any possible clues or signs that i can apply to myself -- but the only conclusion i can come to is that it's completely different for everyone and often for every pregnancy. so i guess even though last week i thought i "felt" like it was going to happen any time, i don't really know what that "feeling" is, and i have to be aware that it could still happen any time even though i now feel mostly normal. so that's that! i'm distracting myself as much as possible and just waiting... waiting...
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