Day 17, 5dpo, and it's the same story again... I feel like crap.
i was all set to not pay attention this cycle. i have an action plan with the doc, i have next steps to look toward... i really wanted not to notice or care about the two-week wait at all. but my body doesn't seem to be in favor of that.
we went out to dinner with the in-laws and another couple last night (friends of theirs that make the dining experience much more fun, truth be told). my stomach had been feeling a little strange since yesterday afternoon (I also spotted a tiny bit yesterday) and by the time my entree was served my appetite had pretty much disappeared. by bedtime I was having that weird, semi-nauseated feeling again, and I woke up at 4:30am with horrible cramps that kept me awake until I had to get up for work anyway. last month they were on the right side, this month they're on the left. now that I'm up and about I feel a bit better, but I have a dull headache and I am so tired I could cry.
ao this is it, I guess. i'm not stupid enough to think these are implantation symptoms or whatever else anymore. clearly this is my hormones being COMPLETELY INSANE. right after my LH surge at ovulation every cycle, when things dip back down or whatever the heck they do, this seems to be what happens. even in a month such as this one, the every-other month that i used to call my "off" month during which i never had a single instance of pms and my period often snuck up on me. there will certainly be no sneaking anymore. i have at least 9 or 10 days to wait for my period, and i anticipate each of them being as uncomfortable and annoying as that waiting time was last month.
how unfair/infuriating/ironic/ridiculous is it that this waited until precisely when i started trying to conceive? talk about timing. i've been off of the pill and monitoring my cycles for almost four years, so i am quite aware that none of this was going on when i was younger. i've watched it get worse and worse for the past year or so. i guess i know that hormones change in your mid-30s, and that's why everyone says it's so much harder to get pregnant after that point. but somehow i thought i'd be immune to all of that. silly me.
at least i'm going for bloodwork on wednesday -- perhaps there will be some kind of glaring red flag right away and we can figure this out. i wish i could have some kind of a magic mirror to know what's going on inside me right NOW, though... i can only imagine the hormonal chaos. we are quite complicated beings, aren't we?
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