8 days post-transfer

i knew the two-week wait would feel like an eternity in its passing, but that didn't mean i was wishing for additional obstacles to entertain me in the interim. today is day 8. theoretically, implantation should have happened a few days ago, and now we're in the infuriating interval of "maybe i'm pregnant but my body doesn't even know it yet." starting on wednesday, i had a headache, almost constantly. i would take medicine, it would go away for awhile, then come back. then yesterday the headache was joined by nausea. i'm not getting sick, i can still eat, but my stomach just feels mostly gross a lot of the time. this isn't all that much different than how i've felt when taking the progesterone after the IUIs, and now i'm on a much higher dose of progesterone so i figured that's what was causing it. i've also still had cramps, different ones than i had right after the transfer. these ones feel more like period cramps. but i can deal with headache and an icky stomach and cramps. the big worry that i have is that i have been so incredibly dizzy. so dizzy. like, seeing the floor moving in front of me kind of dizzy. not good.

ok -- pause here for an additional, possibly related, piece of information. i went in for bloodwork on monday and again yesterday, just for them to check my hormone levels and make sure everything was as it should be. monday all was well. but yesterday they called to tell me my estradiol level was "lower than expected." estradiol is a type of estrogen, and the estrogen-progesterone balance has to be exactly right in order for a potential pregnancy to be successful. they check it during IVF because with all the messing around with your hormones they do sometimes things don't adjust as they're supposed to so they have to supplement. so i had to start taking an estradiol pill, once a day, from now until they tell me otherwise.

so, back to the feeling like crap. yesterday i left school early because i thought either a) i was coming down with the stomach virus going around school, or b) the out-of-whack hormones were making me feel awful. i came home, slept for a bit, and spent the rest of the night on the couch. and then i felt almost totally fine. i had taken my first dose of the estradiol, so i thought maybe that helped. or maybe i did have some short-lived bug that passed. whatever, i felt okay.

until this morning. i felt ok when i woke up, but by the time i was halfway through my multiple-train, hour-long commute to school the dizziness was back. the headache soon followed, and the nausea came back a bit later. as soon as i got to school i called the doctor's office to let them know what was going on. the doctor said it didn't sound like my symptoms would be caused by any of the medication or hormonal levels. they told me to take it easy today and if the symptoms didn't subside i should call the doctor on-call this weekend. i was only at work a half hour before people started persuading me to go home, so i did what i absolutely needed to and then left, and have been back on the couch all afternoon. the dizziness once again subsided with sitting still, though my head and stomach are still wonky. so i really don't think i'm "sick." of course i could have just picked up a virus, i do spend my days surrounded by germy children, but why would it come and go like that? that's not how viruses work. if i was sick, i'd be sick regardless of whether i'm walking around at work or sitting on my butt watching tv, right? but my stomach hasn't gotten any worse, it actually felt better and then felt the same amount of bad again, but definitely not like i'm sick.

i'm not sure what to make of all this. i know i don't feel well, and i can't help but think that it has something to do with the IVF, either positive or negative. i realize it's too early by most people's accounts to be feeling any pregnancy symptoms, but knowing that implantation already happened if it was going to makes me wonder. and it would be easy for me to blame it on the meds if the doctor thought that was a typical reaction, but now i feel like this is some weird circumstance and maybe it means that this cycle is doomed. i just don't know what to think. but it's hard NOT to think about it when i feel totally crappy any time i stand up. so... i wait. i keep giving myself my two injections a day and taking 7 pills and suppositories morning, noon, and night. i try to ignore the bruises on my belly and legs and the nasty hard spots and soreness in my thighs from the progesterone shots. if i am still feeling dizzy tomorrow i'll call the doctor on-call and see what he/she says, i guess. maybe i'll have to go in on monday for more bloodwork. i also have to decide if i'm going to take a home pregnancy test before my official blood test (called a beta) next thursday. i ordered some super-sensitive early-detector ones recommended by folks on the fertility forums online... but i just don't know if that would help me pass the time or just depress me more if it's negative.

so that's where i'm at. big stuff, huh? man, my life is boring. i really feel like this has become my full-time job now... considering i haven't been at school for a full day since two weeks ago. i worked two partial days last week and either came in late or left early every day this week as well. today i did both. of course i'm working from home when i can, but i am pretty much consumed by this process now. i can't even think of anything else going on in my life to report. that's all fine and good if this turns out well, but if i'm not pregnant i am going to be even more infuriated by the impact this whole thing has had on my life, to no avail. still trying to be optimistic. it's just getting harder, day by day.