i guess it could be considered a good thing that i am busier with work right now than i've been in months... you'd think it would make the time go by quicker as i wait until i have my beta blood test tomorrow. but somehow it is just making me completely exhausted and overwhelmed, and i STILL feel like time is crawling by slower than molasses in january. and while i'm totally exhausted by the time i drag myself home from school each day, i'm somehow not exhausted enough to be sleeping well. no, that would be too much to ask. i'm so tired, i go to bed early, but i wake up a zillion times during the night. i'm so restless. today i woke up at 3:30 and tried for a little more than an hour to go back to sleep, but all i was doing was obsessing over all of the things that i need to get done today. so i got up at 4:45 to start what will be a hellishly long day. tomorrow cannot come soon enough.
i've been taking the pee-stick tests every day and the line is slowly getting darker. i wish it was darker than it is, but i know any improvement is good. other than still feeling dizzy and nauseated most of the time, my other post-transfer symptoms have mostly gone away. i get hit by a wave of sharp cramps every so often, and my nipples are constantly bright red and erect, but otherwise i don't feel hormonal at all. of course i have started driving myself insane... worrying that every single test i've done has been a fluke (i think i've done six at this point) and that i'm going to go in tomorrow and get a negative result on the blood test and kick myself for imagining anything different. i just can't think of anything as a sure thing yet. the hubby asked if we could tell our parents once we get the beta results tomorrow and i had to think carefully about if i was even ready to do that. we decided we will tell them, but that we will warn them that it's still going to be awhile before we're confident in saying that this pregnancy will stick around.
anyway, too much work to do... going to try to distract myself from all of this for another 30 hours or so. and then we'll know... something.
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