uncertainty

i do think it's ridiculous that IVF costs as much as it does. but the further i get in this process, the more i understand why. the female reproductive system -- even when closely monitored -- is incredibly unpredictable and complicated. the ability to eliminate a good portion of that uncertainty is probably worth $10,000.

this morning my ovulation monitor told me i would ovulate in the next 48 hours. wtf. i kinda thought it was just confused and that it wouldn't tell me i was ovulating at all. i mean, it's one thing to miss it. but to mis-detect it??? i took my temperature, and it hasn't spiked above the typical baseline, which would mean that i haven't ovulated yet (or that it just happened yesterday). yesterday -- according to my body -- makes sense... i had just started to notice the tell-tale mucus and some other symptoms that are probably just TMI. so why would the monitor (based on me peeing on a stick) indicate today or tomorrow? especially when the size of my follicle and the fact that i took a freakin' ovulation trigger shot seem to indicate saturday? you would think that a day on either side wouldn't matter that much, considering the inability to narrow it down more precisely, but it totally does matter. if i did ovulate yesterday, the IUI on saturday still has a decent chance of being effective. decent, not great. if i was to ovulate today (or tomorrow!), it was pretty much pointless.

insane.

so i went to the doctor as planned, told the doc all of those details, and she -- of course -- said we'd check things out. the sonogram wasn't totally conclusive. it showed a collapsed follicle, which means i most likely ovulated. generally when i've gone in for the post-ovulation sonogram the follicle has been completely dissipated -- not visible at all. the internet tells me it's usually only there for a day or maybe two after ovulation, but i've gone in two days post-IUI before and have never seen it. the doctor admitted that this wasn't a definitive sign, but that the bloodwork that they'll do today will tell us for sure if i've ovulated or not. i have to call them this afternoon to get those results and to find out when i have to start taking the progesterone (ugh). either way i have to go back in a week to start taking a new drug, ganirelix, to get me ready for theoretical IVF. it's an ovulation suppression medication, to make sure that things don't start too early. yes, it's another injectable. so i'm glad i enjoyed this little respite from stabbing myself, because it's about to get amped way up.

unless i get pregnant now. which is, theoretically, possible regardless of my doubt. i am going to acupuncture today so hopefully i did ovulate and he can do his magic to make things come together as they should. i'll write later about bloodwork results and next steps... there's never a dull moment around here, that's for sure.