today is day 23 of my cycle. my period should arrive monday-ish. and i'm completely in limbo. if i do get my period, then the IUI protocol begins right away. i have to call the fertility doc ASAP and let them know, because on Day 3 of my cycle i will have to start the injections for ovulation induction. they'll also do bloodwork then to make sure my hormones are doing what they're supposed to do. i will give myself injections for 4 or 5 days, then when the monitor says i'm ovulating, i will go in for an ultrasound to make sure it's for real, and the next morning we'll go in for the insemination. i know there are other drugs and tests and procedures other than that, but they've been good about only telling me what i need to know for the immediate future and not overwhelming me with all of the next steps. in fact, i know i will be receiving five drugs, i think the nurse said, but i only know what the heck i'll be doing with the one. so really... much of this is going to be the great unknown.
my insurance will cover $5k per calendar year of treatments, although they've told me the medications aren't covered. i haven't yet been able to determine if that's because all of my prescriptions are covered by a different benefit plan, or if that means i'm going to have to pay out of pocket for them. the nurses and receptionists at the fertility institute have been -- as always -- amazingly helpful and on top of things, and i have been assured that the meds were ordered and they did have my prescription plan info. the medications will be delivered to me by a specialty pharmacy. from what i've been told, they will have to be refrigerated, so i think i'll have them sent directly to work to make sure nothing happens to them. and then i'll just have to figure out how the heck to give myself an injection. i'm not squeamish, but i've never done that before. and the hubby is certainly not a candidate for helping out. squeamish is an understatement for his reaction to anything related to needles.
i've been on the phone with someone from the fertility institute or from my insurance company every day for the past week. I had to be "authorized" to begin receiving the fertility assistance benefits provided under my plan, which consisted of me being read what i'm allowed and required to do: making sure my doctor was in their good graces, instructing me that i must have at least three rounds of insemination before they'll cover IVF, etc. it also consisted of me answering a whole bunch of questions (about 15 minutes' worth) about my medical and fertility history and getting a lot of detailed instructions about what i have to do and what i have to have the doctor's office do. have them call to get the authorization code, call them with the bloodwork results on day 3, call the second i know i'm pregnant... it all feels very artificial (no pun intended) and weird, weird, weird. but mostly just stressful. there are so many logistics to keep straight.
but at last, finally, i think every last detail is in order. but still... i can't know for sure what's going to happen. it's really bizarre to think that it's possible that we've taken all of these steps and set this whole chain of events into motion and that it might not even be necessary. my therapist asked me if i have any feelings about my possible pregnancy... do i have a hunch? a gut sensation? and the truth is i don't. i have stopped dwelling on symptoms, i have stopped paying attention and freaking out. i've been better about coffee (for general healthy reasons) but have had several glasses of wine and sangria over the past few weeks. I feel like i'm making an effort to live my life as if i'm not pregnant, rather than in the state of constant insane wondering in which i lived for many months. so for now i'm mostly just waiting. but as the end of my cycle gets closer i find it harder to keep my hope quiet. but we shall see, very soon indeed.
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