guess what? i'm obsessing again.
i guess there's no way to escape it. ah, well.
the ovulation monitor started telling me this morning that i could get my period. i don't feel particularly pms-y. my cycles and symptoms have gotten so out of whack the past couple of months that i don't know what to expect in terms of number of days or how i will feel. my boobs are still sore and i have a dull aching head, but that could very easily be from starting my new job and having -- in direct correlation -- too much coffee and not enough sleep.
and yeah... i said i was giving up coffee when i thought i might be pregnant and i haven't stuck with it. ho hum. i also had a couple of drinks post-ovulation this month, which i haven't done in previous months. so with my luck, maybe this will be the month it happens and i'll be worried sick about having poisoned my baby. egads, this is a mind trip.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
cycle 6, day 21
it's been awhile.
obviously i wasn't pregnant last month, or i'd have had a lot more to say. my period came, again a bit earlier than i expected it. it seems that my cycles are getting shorter. which is lovely for TTC in some ways... less waiting time in between tries! but it makes me nervous that it's just a sign that i'm getting older... i know a lot of women begin to experience perimenopause symptoms in their early to mid-30s. this does NOT please me as i'm trying to conceive.
but i try not to worry about it. this month we didn't do a fantastic job, but considering i felt we'd done everything right last time around and it didn't happen, i suppose anything is possible. i was out of town just before i ovulated, and arrived back to the hubby right on the first day the monitor said i was ovulating. we tried that day, but sadly not on my second peak day. we did hit the day after that, so i guess if i ovulated near the end of the two-day window that was still a good effort.
now it's day 21 (very early on day 21, as it's 3:45 am and i can't sleep for some reason) and i'm starting to wonder. my boobs are a bit sore and i've been a little dizzy, but otherwise things seem normal. i am so unbelieveably stressed out by my living situation right now (we STILL can't move into what will be our floor of our new house due to delayed renovations) that i can't possibly figure out if anything that's going on is caused by something hormonal or just by my anxiety level. i am starting my new job this week (i really know how to lay on the stress, eh?) so hopefully i'll be wrapped up in that and not counting the days and taking unnecessary pregnancy tests like last time. i should get my period (or not!) by the end of the week...
obviously i wasn't pregnant last month, or i'd have had a lot more to say. my period came, again a bit earlier than i expected it. it seems that my cycles are getting shorter. which is lovely for TTC in some ways... less waiting time in between tries! but it makes me nervous that it's just a sign that i'm getting older... i know a lot of women begin to experience perimenopause symptoms in their early to mid-30s. this does NOT please me as i'm trying to conceive.
but i try not to worry about it. this month we didn't do a fantastic job, but considering i felt we'd done everything right last time around and it didn't happen, i suppose anything is possible. i was out of town just before i ovulated, and arrived back to the hubby right on the first day the monitor said i was ovulating. we tried that day, but sadly not on my second peak day. we did hit the day after that, so i guess if i ovulated near the end of the two-day window that was still a good effort.
now it's day 21 (very early on day 21, as it's 3:45 am and i can't sleep for some reason) and i'm starting to wonder. my boobs are a bit sore and i've been a little dizzy, but otherwise things seem normal. i am so unbelieveably stressed out by my living situation right now (we STILL can't move into what will be our floor of our new house due to delayed renovations) that i can't possibly figure out if anything that's going on is caused by something hormonal or just by my anxiety level. i am starting my new job this week (i really know how to lay on the stress, eh?) so hopefully i'll be wrapped up in that and not counting the days and taking unnecessary pregnancy tests like last time. i should get my period (or not!) by the end of the week...
Sunday, August 8, 2010
cycle 5, day 24
once again this month i had a lot to distract me from the waiting game... i've been totally consumed with getting settled in our new house. we have a lot to do and a long time before the house won't be our big project, but it's all so very exciting. and it does, in the back of my mind, make hoping that i'm pregnant even more wonderful, as it's just better to imagine having a baby and an eventual kid when i'm living in a place where we can actually go outside and live in more than 600 square feet.
it's pretty incredible.
and yet here we are in the midst of the final countdown of cycle 5 of TTC. it's our last true summer attempt... if i'm not pregnant this time, our next try will be the week i go back to work. which isn't ideal. i know i'm going to be upset if this cycle has been another bust, but i don't think i'm at the point of despair... yet.
so today's day 24 (14 days post-ovulation), which means in a normal short cycle month (as it seems this will be, given the ovulation monitor said days 9 and 10 were my peak days) i should get my period in two days -- on tuesday. i have felt totally normal until the past couple of days, when i've started having symptoms of something going on down there.
on friday (day 21, 12 dpo) i had a 24-hour headache. nothing helped. i also felt a bit dizzy and light-headed. but again, these can always be pre-period symptoms, too... though this headache was worse than my typical "here comes the period!" headache, and also a little early.
day 22 i stupidly took a pregnancy test (WHEN will i stop throwing money down the toilet on these things???), which was negative but had a few spots and speckles above the center line, which i've never seen before. i've also had a lot of discharge, not typical of this part of my cycle.
then yesterday (day 23, 13 dpo) i had a small amount of what looked like dark blood. a few months ago i would have been convinced this was implantation bleeding, but a similar thing happened to me a couple of months ago (a bit earlier in the cycle, though) and i clearly wasn't pregnant. so.
in general i just feel like there's something brewing, which could be my period, but maybe not. usually i don't have much (if any) PMS in my short-cycle months, and i don't exactly feel like my period's coming. i just feel a bit... weird. i'll try to keep myself distracted for the next couple of days...
it's pretty incredible.
and yet here we are in the midst of the final countdown of cycle 5 of TTC. it's our last true summer attempt... if i'm not pregnant this time, our next try will be the week i go back to work. which isn't ideal. i know i'm going to be upset if this cycle has been another bust, but i don't think i'm at the point of despair... yet.
so today's day 24 (14 days post-ovulation), which means in a normal short cycle month (as it seems this will be, given the ovulation monitor said days 9 and 10 were my peak days) i should get my period in two days -- on tuesday. i have felt totally normal until the past couple of days, when i've started having symptoms of something going on down there.
on friday (day 21, 12 dpo) i had a 24-hour headache. nothing helped. i also felt a bit dizzy and light-headed. but again, these can always be pre-period symptoms, too... though this headache was worse than my typical "here comes the period!" headache, and also a little early.
day 22 i stupidly took a pregnancy test (WHEN will i stop throwing money down the toilet on these things???), which was negative but had a few spots and speckles above the center line, which i've never seen before. i've also had a lot of discharge, not typical of this part of my cycle.
then yesterday (day 23, 13 dpo) i had a small amount of what looked like dark blood. a few months ago i would have been convinced this was implantation bleeding, but a similar thing happened to me a couple of months ago (a bit earlier in the cycle, though) and i clearly wasn't pregnant. so.
in general i just feel like there's something brewing, which could be my period, but maybe not. usually i don't have much (if any) PMS in my short-cycle months, and i don't exactly feel like my period's coming. i just feel a bit... weird. i'll try to keep myself distracted for the next couple of days...
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
cycle 5
oooh, i'm feeling really confident this month! hope my hopes aren't crushed into smithereens. maybe the 5th time's the charm?
ovulation days: 9/10
attempts: days 7, 9, 10, 11
thankfully it'll be a short cycle... less waiting time!
ovulation days: 9/10
attempts: days 7, 9, 10, 11
thankfully it'll be a short cycle... less waiting time!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
cycle 5, day 10
ok, so i wasn't pregnant. turns out the only thing worse than killer diarrhea is getting your period while you have killer diarrhea. oh, joy. i guess i had some sort of stomach bug, and i'm actually thankful that it wasn't morning sickness as i don't think i could handle that for any stretch of time. i also realized that while i expected a short cycle, if i had thought about when i ovulated i would have realized that i was wrong about that. i keep trying to out-think my body, and that just doesn't seem possible.
but! it's a new cycle, and this one will indeed be a short one if my ovulation monitor and hormones are correct... today and yesterday were my two peak fertility days. AND we hit both of them this time around, and had a pre-peak try as well. i feel really good about our odds this time around! fingers crossed...
but! it's a new cycle, and this one will indeed be a short one if my ovulation monitor and hormones are correct... today and yesterday were my two peak fertility days. AND we hit both of them this time around, and had a pre-peak try as well. i feel really good about our odds this time around! fingers crossed...
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
cycle 4, day 27
i woke up SO SICK this morning. i actually woke myself up because i thought i was going to throw up.
it is important to state here that i do NOT throw up. ever. well, generally speaking. the last time i did was when i was doped up after getting all four of my impacted wisdom teeth out in 2001. prior to that were a couple of particularly stupid drunken nights in college. and before that was when i had a stomach virus in 10th grade. seriously, that's it in recent memory.
hence my alarm this morning. when i fully woke up and realized that i wasn't actually going to hurl, i took the dog out for a walk only to have to rush back quite quickly to the bathroom... where i had the worst diarrhea i've had in years. this went on for a couple of hours. misery.
then as i was beginning type this post, it all started again. this time i was certain i was going to throw up. whining and whimpering and really scaring the hubby. he, similarly, does not throw up and would be no help in this sort of situation. somehow i managed to fight it, and once again it decided to, well... for lack of a more ladylike description, come out the other end.
then the hubby had to go to work, which half terrified and half relieved me. i wasn't really in the best state for hanging out. after he left i managed to walk a block to the store, get some ginger ale and crackers, and make it back to the couch. i spent another couple of hours on the couch, dozing and fighting the nauseousness. eventually i was able to eat some crackers and a bowl of cereal. and finally, 6.5 hours later, i *may* be starting to feel human again.
but my bum hurts. owwww.
yesterday afternoon i realized that, given a normal cycle for me, i should have gotten my period already. i tend to alternate every other month: one cycle is about 27 days and very heavy with some awful PMS symptoms that i've blogged about in other posts (often tricking myself into thinking they're way-too-early pregnancy symptoms). in the interim months, like this one, my cycle is usually 24 or 25 days, often sneaks up on me without my realizing it and then goes away as mildly as it arrives. i have been this regular, with only a handful of exceptions, for about four years.
this month should have been a short cycle. according to the monitor, i ovulated on day 11 or 12, and i was expecting to get my period on what would have been day 25, or maybe day 26. which was yesterday. it's quite unusual a) for it to not have come yet, and b) for me to be feeling nauseated or anything this month. i did that last time around, come on!!!
so i have deduced based on this morning's events that i have either contracted a stomach bug and/or driven my body wacky with the stress i've been under the past couple of weeks, or i must be pregnant. and perhaps in for a doozy of a 1st trimester.
i really haven't been dwelling on the pregnancy possibility much this time around. we have been in real estate hell and homeless for the past week and a half, carting suitcases and pets around in 95 degree heat to various friends' houses. we are hoping to close on our new house next week, but nothing is official yet. so it is clearly a very real possibility that stress is contributing to all of this weirdness. but still... i hope.
though this whole sick episode has been sobering. if i am pregnant, and this is morning sickness, can i handle this for another few weeks? for some reason i assumed that since i'm not typically a stomach-bug kind of person (and since i DO NOT throw up!) that i wouldn't get hit with these kind of symptoms. live and learn, i suppose. or perhaps i will get my period tonight or tomorrow and just have to blame the stress or the poor eating habits that accompany homelessness. we shall see.
it is important to state here that i do NOT throw up. ever. well, generally speaking. the last time i did was when i was doped up after getting all four of my impacted wisdom teeth out in 2001. prior to that were a couple of particularly stupid drunken nights in college. and before that was when i had a stomach virus in 10th grade. seriously, that's it in recent memory.
hence my alarm this morning. when i fully woke up and realized that i wasn't actually going to hurl, i took the dog out for a walk only to have to rush back quite quickly to the bathroom... where i had the worst diarrhea i've had in years. this went on for a couple of hours. misery.
then as i was beginning type this post, it all started again. this time i was certain i was going to throw up. whining and whimpering and really scaring the hubby. he, similarly, does not throw up and would be no help in this sort of situation. somehow i managed to fight it, and once again it decided to, well... for lack of a more ladylike description, come out the other end.
then the hubby had to go to work, which half terrified and half relieved me. i wasn't really in the best state for hanging out. after he left i managed to walk a block to the store, get some ginger ale and crackers, and make it back to the couch. i spent another couple of hours on the couch, dozing and fighting the nauseousness. eventually i was able to eat some crackers and a bowl of cereal. and finally, 6.5 hours later, i *may* be starting to feel human again.
but my bum hurts. owwww.
yesterday afternoon i realized that, given a normal cycle for me, i should have gotten my period already. i tend to alternate every other month: one cycle is about 27 days and very heavy with some awful PMS symptoms that i've blogged about in other posts (often tricking myself into thinking they're way-too-early pregnancy symptoms). in the interim months, like this one, my cycle is usually 24 or 25 days, often sneaks up on me without my realizing it and then goes away as mildly as it arrives. i have been this regular, with only a handful of exceptions, for about four years.
this month should have been a short cycle. according to the monitor, i ovulated on day 11 or 12, and i was expecting to get my period on what would have been day 25, or maybe day 26. which was yesterday. it's quite unusual a) for it to not have come yet, and b) for me to be feeling nauseated or anything this month. i did that last time around, come on!!!
so i have deduced based on this morning's events that i have either contracted a stomach bug and/or driven my body wacky with the stress i've been under the past couple of weeks, or i must be pregnant. and perhaps in for a doozy of a 1st trimester.
i really haven't been dwelling on the pregnancy possibility much this time around. we have been in real estate hell and homeless for the past week and a half, carting suitcases and pets around in 95 degree heat to various friends' houses. we are hoping to close on our new house next week, but nothing is official yet. so it is clearly a very real possibility that stress is contributing to all of this weirdness. but still... i hope.
though this whole sick episode has been sobering. if i am pregnant, and this is morning sickness, can i handle this for another few weeks? for some reason i assumed that since i'm not typically a stomach-bug kind of person (and since i DO NOT throw up!) that i wouldn't get hit with these kind of symptoms. live and learn, i suppose. or perhaps i will get my period tonight or tomorrow and just have to blame the stress or the poor eating habits that accompany homelessness. we shall see.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
cycle 4
i am incredibly distracted this time around as we're in the middle of a particularly stressful move, which is nice because i haven't taken much time yet to wonder or obsess over being pregnant or not. i know we didn't do a fantastic job this cycle, but i suppose there is still a chance.
ovulation: day 11/12
attempts: days 8, 10, 13
eh. i guess you never know, but logically i shouldn't be terribly disappointed this cycle if it doesn't happen. fingers crossed that we won't still be sleeping on friends' couches by the time we need to try again!
ovulation: day 11/12
attempts: days 8, 10, 13
eh. i guess you never know, but logically i shouldn't be terribly disappointed this cycle if it doesn't happen. fingers crossed that we won't still be sleeping on friends' couches by the time we need to try again!
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